Love me Tinder. Where eHarmony and Match succeeded by serving the khaki pants-wearing divorced bank teller crowd, and OKCupid made its bones catering to the wannabe Suicide Girl in all of us, Tinder is there for the drunk and horny, wherever they may be. There’s only one problem. There are a lot more drunk, horny guys than drunk, horny girls trolling for strange on the web. While most guys’ Tinder inboxes receive a message or two once in a blue moon, many women could be scheduling enough anonymous sex to fill a forty-hour work week. If you are a man, your odds of igniting Tinder flames are lower; thus we are here to help you stack the kindling in your favor.

All you have on Tinder is your profile picture. Sure, you get a pithy statement of interest, but nobody reads that shit, and odds are you tried to sound deep and just ended up sounding stupid. No, Tinder is all about pics, and those pictures don’t just need to be worth a thousand words. Those pics need to be worth a trip to the bar to meet up with a stranger. Get ready to find lust in a hopeless place (the Internet); this is A Man’s Guide to Choosing Tinder Profile Pics.