In case you’re not hip to the latest WWE jive, much of Vince McMahon’s universe is in an uproar about Daniel Bryan not being made the face of the company, and CM Punk’s apparent departure.
Fans want complete booking control in the world’s greatest violent soap opera, but it ain’t happening. The concept of control got my wheels to turning. What if gamers could really create the biggest, most outrageous wrestling card ever seen? I’m not talking about filling it with matches like Goldberg vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. That’s far too tame for me. I’m going otherworldly with my thoughts. With the help of WWE 2K14’s rabid, talented and insane community of character creation artists, I’ve assembled an epic wrestling event unlike any you’ve ever seen.
Video game characters, pop icons, little aliens and mythical Christmas figures are all invited, and they’ve all come to scrap. Check out the outrageous matchups below. All of these creations were pulled from the Xbox 360 version.
The gamertag of the creator is listed in parentheses so you can search and download them yourself. Justin Bieber (XxBANDxNerDxX) vs. Duke Nukem (CleanSupreme)
Fresh off his prison bid, Biebs has some real anger issues. He’s ready to take out some frustration on the first, high-haired, suspender-wearing, gun-toting tough guy he says.
In steps Duke Nukem. The King of the Video Game catchphrase and one bad dude in general.
Biebs is rocking skinny jeans and a tank top, while Nukem is in his normal ass-kicking attire. Though Bieber’s finishing move looks a lot like John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment, JB calls it the Mistletoe. Why? Because I asked my daughter what her favorite Justin Bieber song was and that’s the one she named, that’s why.
Nukem is nasty and doesn’t care much for Bieber’s music at all. He’s personally named his finisher the PBS (Pretty Boy Stunner).
My Pick: Bieber probably has Nukem beat in the quickness department, but once Duke gets his hands on him, he’ll be hanging him by his ankles as if he were Vanilla Ice.
Up next on the ticket: Sonic the Hedgehog (TazSpaz89) vs. Yoda (JesteR Tw3ak)
There’s obviously no height requirement in this wrestling organization.
Or species specification.
The fastest hedgehog in the universe is taking on a little green…thing with magical powers.
Watch Sonic administer the coin drop on Yoda here.
Yoda’s finishing maneuver bears a striking resemblance to Rey Mysterio’s 619, which is a reference to the prominent San Diego area code. Considering Yoda is from a galaxy far, far away, he calls it the 1089294949678.
My pick: C’mon man, nobody can defeat Yoda. Beat you, he must.
In our next title card match we've got Lil Wayne (guarded hawk 63) vs. Santa Claus (samme112)
Not since Run DMC dropped 'Christmas in Hollis' have hip-hop and Santa Claus clashed like this.
Hailing from the Northest of North Poles, the jolliest of jollies, the crimson cloak, AKA Santa Claus.
And in the other corner, Young Money CEO and paid spokesperson for animal print making a comeback in 2104: Lil Wayne.
Weezy and Santa Claus have identical finishing moves, but of course, we had to give them each its own name. Weezy’s finisher is the Lights Out after his third studio album.
Our pick: Weezy is a feisty little guy, but Saint Nick has the weight advantage, plus the reindeer will be ringside and that’s a huge advantage. Check your stocking, because you just got knocked the f*ck out.
Fred Flinstone (KingWcc) vs. Buzz Lightyear (CleanSupreme)
(Also good for uncut nightmare fuel)
Fred’s creation had to come via a mod. Heads that big aren’t even available in the game’s creation suite. Actually, if you stare at him too long he's capable of revealing to the nether realms all of your failings as a human being. Just a heads up.
(Good god, it's even more terrifying close up)
As for LightYear’s vicious spinal column relocator, meet the the Infinity Buster.
Our pick: It’s hard to beat a dude that can fly, even if he is just a toy. We've got Lightyear in this one.
This is what happens when a man has too much time on his hands, and an unhealthy passion for video games and fictional characters.