On this week’s episode of The Bachelor, Juan Pablo and the gang film a two-hour-long Kay Jewelers commercial in the picturesque New Zealand countryside. And, Andi scores her long awaited one-on-one date, where she makes out with JP in a remote lagoon!

The group date is a picnic, followed by Zorbing, and cocktails at Frodo’s crib from The Lord of the Rings (no joke). Cassandra is celebrating her 22nd birthday at the Hobbit house, which goes really well until Juan Pablo dumps her on site. :(

Clare scores the other one-on-one date, which involves a confrontation over who is to blame for the sex they had in the ocean last week. After becoming bored with their own quasi fight, Clare and Juan Pablo retreat to make out near a babbling brook. And who can blame them? New Zealand is beautiful. This is no place to quarrel.

With Cassandra on a commercial flight back to Detroit, only one person will be sent home during the rose ceremony. Minutes before elimination, Chelsie corners Juan Pablo and tells him that she smothered her last boyfriend into breaking up with her. Chelsie appears to have painted herself into a corner, until Kat opens up about her sordid upbringing. Ultimately, Juan Pablo opts for Chelsie’s clinginess over Kat’s pervasive daddy issues, and thus concludes another brilliant episode of ABC’s banner show.

To make order of The Bachelor’s ceaseless fuckery, Complex Pop Culture ranks the show’s contestants every week based on their desire for meritless fame. This is the sixth installment of Thirstiest to Thirstiest-est: The Bachelor Power Rankings.

Sean Evans is a writer based in Chicago. He's incredibly boring on Twitter, but we're obliged to provide his handle @seanseaevans.

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