This week, The Bachelor is a two-night affair, which features the combined excitement of hometown dates and a “Top 3” visit to the Caribbean island of Saint Lucia. While in an island paradise, JP spends his time gallivanting about with his shirt off, and it looks like he’s on a steady diet of whole milk and raw buffalo meat. The guy is yoked-out and he means business.

But before Juan Pablo can try to persuade the final three women to shack with him in the fantasy suite, he’ll have to meet their parents and struggle through some tough question from exasperated fathers.

After riding a mechanical bull in Nikki’s hometown of Kansas City, enduring Clare’s weird sister in Sacramento, rubbing Andi’s dad the wrong way in Atlanta, and meeting Renee’s son in Sarasota, JP shoves longtime resident of the friend zone, Renee, into a stretch limo and waves goodbye.

In Saint Lucia, Andi realizes that Juan Pablo is a vapid bozo—a point we’ve been making for weeks now—and decides to drop JP like a milk crate full of antiquated computer parts. During her conversation with Juan Pablo, Andi has a look of utter disgust because she’s seeing this flavorless knucklehead for the very first time.

Andi’s exit means Clare and Nikki are the de facto queens of Saint Lucia. And as such, will be facing off in a head-to-head, Hunger Games-like death match for the heart of a man who has been twice dumped on his own show. Let the games begin.

To make order of The Bachelor’s ceaseless fuckery, Complex Pop Culture ranks the show’s contestants every week based on their desire for meritless fame. This is the eighth and final installment of Thirstiest to Thirstiest-est: The Bachelor Power Rankings.

Sean Evans is a writer based in Chicago. He's incredibly boring on Twitter, but we're obliged to provide his handle @seanseaevans.

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