The New Amazon Pilots Reviewed in 10 Words or Less

Image via Complex Original

Stars: Gael Garcia Bernal, Malcolm McDowell, Bernadette Peters, Lola Kirke
Plot synopsis: Haley, a gifted oboist from North Carolina, wants to make it in the big city symphony. Turns out the world of young people performing classical music is really just blowjob jokes and threesomes. And some of them are funny.
10-word review: Like Grey's Anatomy and a watered-down Girls got busy.
So, should you watch? The pilot, written by Roman Coppola, Jason Schwartzman, and Alex Timbers, lands some good jokes, and Lola Kirke's performance as Haley, that young oboist, has more charisma than this show deserves. It's worth a watch, but it's not the best of these pilots.

Stars: Titus Welliver, Jamie Hector, Amy Aquino, Scott Wilson, Lance Reddick
Plot synopsis: Based on the long-running Harry Bosch book series by Michael Connolly, Bosch is a dark, gritty crime drama following a stoic LAPD homicide detective who "plays by his own rules" like every other anti-hero on TV, but he's so good at his job that everyone keeps him around anyway. Think House meets Luther meets, like, just David Caruso's scenes in CSI Miami. At least the plot gets interesting: Bosch works on a case to find the killer of a young kid whose remains are found in the Hollywood Hills—all while on trial for shooting a possibly unarmed man on the job who was a suspected serial killer.
10-word review: Otherwise engaging crime drama is stifled by overly cliché dialogue.
So, should you watch? Watching Luther is a more valuable way to spend time, but if you've already binge-watched the series, and don't mind occasional eyeroll-worthy one-liners, Bosch is worth a try. Gorgeous shots of a glittering L.A. and a fairly engaging mystery plot make up for much of the uninspired characterization/dialogue, and the series has potential to improve once it moves past attempting to introduce every character. Also, if you really miss Hershel on The Walking Dead, Scott Wilson basically plays the same character in this show, so it's kind of like he's back...sort of. 

Stars: Louise Monot, Aldis Hodge, Andrew Howard, Arielle Kebbel, Sharon Lawrence, Jamie Kennedy, Adrian Pasdar, Sam Littlefield, Jaina Lee Ortiz
Plot synopsis: Eight strangers—including TV drama stereotypes like the black criminal, the sleazy lawyer, the hard-nosed female cop, and the Jamie Kennedy dressed as a clown—reluctantly band together after a city-wide power outage causes a metropolitan apocalypse. Which might be supernatural, but most definitely includes Jamie Kennedy in clown makeup.
10-word review: An intense, ambitious end-of-the-world setup gets diminished by clichéd characters.
So, should you watch? If you've been looking for something equally apocalyptic and what-the-fuck, then it's worth a look. Created by The X-Files mastermind Chris Carter, The After's pilot is far-reaching genre storytelling, beginning like a hybrid of Lost and Flash Forward and ending as something much more insidious. It's too bad that of its eight main characters, only one, actress Gigi (Louise Monot), feels like more than a lazy stock type. Carter does, however, end the pilot with an intriguingly loony twist. Because of that, he deserves more time to see the final scene's wildness through.

Stars: Natalie Zea, Hayes MacArthur, Josh Peck, Affion Crockett
Plot synopsis: A former cheerleader and stay-at-home wife whose husband passes away must take over his role as owner of a struggling Los Angeles NFL team, the Rebels, to the dismay of a bunch of portly misogynist board members.
10-word review: A formulaic sports comedy shows promise with engaging cast chemistry.
So, should you watch? If you're in the mood for a Friday Night Lights/Jerry Maguire/The League hybrid, then this could satiate the hankering, after a couple more episodes. But if you trust anything executive producers Michael Strahan and Ice Cube do, then jump right in.

Stars: Jeffrey Tambor, Gaby Hoffmann, Amy Landecker, Rob Huebel, Judith Light, Henry Simmons, Jay Duplass, Lawrence Pressman
Plot synopsis: Writer/director Jill Soloway, of last year's slept on Afternoon Delight, takes a typical plot—dysfunctional family drama set into motion when a parent reveals a secret to his grown children—and makes it fresh. No one is telling as sexually adventurous and inclusive stories right now. To say much more would spoil the discoveries of this unorthodox pilot, which feels more like the first hour of a long movie than an episode of TV.
10-word review: Bodies on display for humor and play, but with actual weight.
So, should you watch? Okay, I cheated in the review—that was 11 words—but I had to because this show is excellent. The performances, especially from Jeffrey Tambor and Gaby Hoffmann, feel more lived-in than seems possible for a pilot. Soloway digs into unheard of TV territory here, especially with Tambor's character (again: no spoilers). This had better get a full season.