A Field Guide to Being a Boss at Your 9 to 5

Be about that boss life.

Photo Removed
Complex Original

Blank pixel used during image takedowns

Photo Removed

Moving up the corporate ladder is all about winning the perception battle. If you can convince upper management types that you're about that boss life, then your employee parking space will be occupied by a certified pre-owned Lexus in the not-too-distant future. But it takes more than hard work and sacrifice to win the CEO's favor. The road to that corner office is paved with brazen self-confidence and the shattered life expectations of your workplace enemies. The first day of the rest of your commanding career begins now.

*DISCLAIMER: This is a satire. It's probably in your best interest (and your career's) to not pull these stunts at the workplace. As boss-like as they are, they will likely get you fired.

RELATED: 10 Signs You're Not Ready for a Real Job
RELATED: The Best Cities for Finding a Job
RELATED: How to Piss Off Your Co-Workers in 15 Easy Steps
RELATED: A Foolproof Guide to Hooking Up at Your Office Party 
RELATED: 10 Lessons for Getting Along with Your Co-Workers We Learned From "Parks and Recreation" 

Keep a stash of high-end spirits hidden in your cubicle.

Photo Removed

Keep that Spotify cranked, f*ck your co-worker’s feelings.

Photo Removed

Whenever possible, work from home (read: watch Maury with a passive eye on incoming emails).

Photo Removed

Keep the blood flowing with a mid-day abdominal circuit at your desk.

Photo Removed

Dress for success.

Photo Removed

Treat the break room fridge like it’s your own personal condiment buffet.

Photo Removed

Respond to emails with reactionary GIFs and emojis exclusively.

Photo Removed

Never miss an opportunity to #workselfie.

Photo Removed

Instead of writing follow-up emails, throw your feet up on the desk and watch season 3 of Game of Thrones.

Photo Removed

Remember: Hours of operation are 9:07-ish a.m. to 4:58 p.m.

Photo Removed

Latest in Pop Culture