Thinking about relocating to Detroit at some point? First off, are you mental? That city’s been in dire straits for years now. But if you’re so inclined as to move to Michigan, be warned: you’ll be having no sex in the backseat of your car. That is, unless you want to spend time behind bars.

Also, tell those female WWE hopefuls in your family to avoid Oregon, since females wrestling in that state is a big no-no. But your law-breaking, deviant Uncle Bill? Tell him that if he gives the fuzz 24 hours notice about his intended crimes, it’s all good.