Stage 1: Confusion

I sat there plugging and unplugging the power brick, like a punch-drunk MMA fighter who had just been informed that he's adopted. I couldn't wrap my head around the concept of my 360 simply refusing to turn on. After the tenth time of power cycling the console and receiving an 'E70' error code, the inexorable truth of what was happening was taking its route from my lizard brain out through my entire limbic system.