The voice of the Internet, The Kid Mero, will be offering his opinions on everything from rap to indie movies, universal pre-K to alternate side parking on Complex.com, twice weekly. Mero speaks for himself, his views do not necessarily reflect those of Complex.com, the Working Families Party, Mitt Romney, or the head custodian at the Soundview projects. You've been warned. 

YO YA BOY BILL DE BLASIO IS OFFICIALLY THE MAYOR OF NEW YORK CITY NOW B. YA BOY MIKE BLOOMBERG'S JOB NOW IS TO SIT POOLSIDE WITH A TALL GLASS OF BUDWEISER ON ICE (HE PUTS ICE IN HIS BEER MY GUY, GOOGLE IT) AND TRY TO GET PEOPLE TO STOP DOING FUN THINGS LIKE TRANS FATS AND SEX WITH NO CONDOM. SINCE DE BLASIO IS NEW TO THIS MAYOR SHIT AND SINCE I'M THE KNOWLEDGE GOD WHAT IMA DO NOW IS GIVE HIM SOME POINTERS ON HOW HE CAN BECOME AN ICONIC NYC MAYOR LIKE KOCH OR DINKINS OR WHATEVER. I DON'T FUCK WITH GHOULIANI CUZ DUDE MADE IT POSSIBLE FOR COPS TO SHOOT BROWN PEOPLE WITH IMPUNITY B. GIULIANI MADE A LAW THAT SAYS AFTER A COP SHOOTS TEN BROWN PEOPLE HE GETS A FREE SANDWICH AT ANY MALL FOOD COURT IN NEW JERSEY. THAT'S WILD FOUL AND ALSO I BET YOU AIN'T EVEN KNOW THAT. ALSO HE MADE IT SO YOU HAVE TO GET BOOKED FOR EVERYTHING WHICH IS WILD CORNY. I'M ACTUALLY WRITING THIS FROM BOOKINGS RIGHT NOW CUZ I FARTED AUDIBLY ON THE 4 TRAIN AND GOT CAUGHT BY A DT. "MERO HOW DID YOU GET YOUR LAPTOP IN BOOKINGS IDK IF I BELIEVE YOU BRUH" MY GIRL CHECKED IT DOGGIE. I GOT COPS ON THE PAYROLL. DON'T EVER QUESTION THE VALIDITY OF MY STATEMENTS.

ANYWAY THIS IS COMPLEX SO I'M DO THIS IN LIST FORMAT. STAY TUNED FOR NEXT WEEK WHEN I MAKE A LIST OF THE TOP 10 TIMES I SAID "FUCK MICHAEL JORDAN" AND THE "TOP 10 LIST IDEAS I HAD WHILE I WAS TAKING THIS HUNGOVER WHITE CASTLE SHIT" AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE "TOP 12 PICTURES IN WHICH TIGER WOODS LOOKS LIKE A GERBIL." HERE'S MY ADVICE WILLIAM.

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