Local Business Owners Who Just Don't Give a F*ck

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Business: Joe Dough Sandwich Shop
Location: Brooklyn, New York 

Yelp is a digitized punching bag for amateur food critics, where the frustration of a lackluster lunch can be channeled into an scathing review of the restaurant. But, Joe Dough Sandwich Shop knows how to turn sour grapes into a delicious jam. In 18 words, this playful piece of guerrilla marketing manages to marginalize an Internet troll, take a backhanded shot at Yelp, and entice passersby to eat a purportedly horrible menu item. As Jared is to Subway, one-star reviews are to Joe Dough Sandwich Shop.

Business: Frankie Sports Bar & Grill
Location: Olympia, Wash.

When Washington state residents vote to make the private consumption of marijuana legal, Frank Schnarr—bar owner and all around cool dude—invites area burnouts to toke up in his watering hole. Schnarr uses a loophole in the area's tobacco smoking ban to create a separate space for bong rip aficionados. According to Daily Mail, Schnarr also unveils a $4.20 appetizer menu that includes all breaded everything. 

Business: I Got Your Crabs Seafood Market & Steam Bar
Location: Kitty Hawk, N.C.

In October 2012, I Got Your Crabs Seafood Market & Steam Bar begins flooding as the result of Hurricane Sandy. Instead of discarding product or letting food spoil, the restaurant prepares an open, impromptu feast for the community. If this powerful photo doesn't warm your heart, then it's time to get a physical.

Business: Exit 6 Pub and Brewery
Location: Cottleville, Mo.

Jeff Britton, owner of the Exit 6 Pub and Brewery, receives a cease-and-desist notice from Starbucks Coffee Co. over concerns that an in-house brew nicknamed "Frappicino" would be confused with the caffeine magnate's eponymous drink item. Britton responds to the company by writing, "We never thought that our beer drinking customers would have thought that the alcoholic beverage coming out of the tap would have actually been coffee from one of the many, many, many stores located a few blocks away."

Britton also includes a $6 check to compensate the company for lost profits and the tag, "Us small business owners need to stick together." When this guy parks his custom painted El Camino, he definitely takes up two spaces.

Business: Aladdin's Cave
Location: Dorset, England 

Annoyed by tourist's insufferable love of browsing, antique shop owner Mark Galpin forbids anyone who lives outside of a 30 mile radius from entering his store. How does Galpin enforce this policy? If he sees a person he does not recognize, he asks them questions about where they're from. Wow. Shout out to this dude for presiding over the least inviting establishment this side of Roy Rogers.

Business: Sava! Italiano
Location: Amarillo, Texas 

Often times, closing businesses will pay homage to their hometowns with a half-page newspaper ad, but Sava! Italiano opts for the expletive-laden mic drop instead. The restaurant's parting shot to Amarillo, Texas—which is posted behind the establishment's locked door—begins, "You sorry assed, rednecked sacks of goat sperm had no idea what you had here!" And, it actually get worse from there.

The letter continues, "Maybe you'll remember us when you're boning your sister and think she smells like pasta. We are off to make money in a town whose average IQ is above room temperature!" Behold, the Hulk-like rage of a restaurant owner who has read one too many one-star Yelp reviews.

Business: Unknown
Location: Unknown 

People love to complain. And, when you're a small business owner, handling grievances is part of the job description. After receiving objections to his fish market smelling like, um, fish, Brian takes action in the most powerful way a small business owner can: by penning a passive-aggressive note on the front door. Go ahead, tell this guy his store smells like fish one. more. time.

Business: Can't Resist Andy's Place
Location: Nampa, Idaho

Andy Joseph installs a neon sign atop his garage warehouse to draw attention to his secondhand appliance store. Can't Resist Andy's Place, or CRAP as the store's so subtly branded, is full of used washing machines and refrigerators. This is the marketing plan of a guy who does not reduce his speed in a school zone and eats three Advil when he has a headache instead of the Doctor recommended two.

Business: Nightshade Corsets
Location: Alberta, Canada 

Typically, corporate social media pages are vapid, cheesy exhibitions in "like" grubbing. But, Nightshade Corsets is not one to post an arbitrary image of delicious looking donuts for the sake of OD shares. The store, which specializes in fetish gear, shows love to women of all shapes in sizes by declaring, "Continue to wear whatever the fuck you want...Dress to make yourself feel good." 

Business: Oh Cakes
Location: Southland, New Zealand 

A bakery owner in New Zealand is so incensed by one customer's lack of creative vision that she sends a woman who, "...wanted chocolate and provided no other details," the likeness of a turd pile. This is an apparent overreaction by Oh Cakes of New Zealand, but the dessert doesn't look all that bad to be honest. After a few glasses of champagne, this mountain of shit was probably demolished by the guests of the engagment party.