New Yorkers get a bad rap for being mean to tourists. This isn't actually the case. If you need help finding the right train or cross street, we're happy to oblige. We would love nothing more than to give you a laundry list of restaurants, bars, and art for you to check out while you're here. You can even come with us to our buddy's one-man show. The problem is that so many tourists ignore our advice and make rookie mistakes, making their experience worse while inconveniencing locals.
For those of you who want our input on how to enjoy the Big Apple, we're ready to help you out. For those of you determined to work through your list of shitty tourist attractions, flagship retails stores, and chain restaurants, we're not even going to try to save you from yourself. You've already made up your mind as to what kind of New York experience you're going to have and we are happy to help you have the worst time possible. Enjoy your visit to the Olive Garden and check out our tips on how to be a terrible NYC tourist (in GIFs).
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Dress up like you're ready for a night out first thing in the morning.
Be sure to walk at your hometown pace.
Or use Citibike to get around.
Grab lunch at an "authentic" Irish pub.
Tip the subway "Showtime" dancers.
Stand in front of the subway entrance and look at your phone.
Hunt for locations from Sex and the City or Girls or Seinfeld or (if you really suck) Law and Order.
Eat dinner here.
Shop at bigger versions of the stores you have back home.
See Wicked...twice.
And after you leave, tell people you "just love New York, but could never live there."
