Hella Bandwidth: The Week in Internet Foolishness

Image via Complex Original

Recently, a 47-second video of gospel singer Kevin Terry performing oral sex on another man hit the internet. It quickly went viral, and according to friend, fellow singer and Jesus BFF, Lil' Mo, "I haven't spoken to him directly. I did get word he is mortified." She added, "This is a low blow not only to his privacy, but some of the deep and spooky church folks are not praying for him. The comments I've seen people post are just hurtful." She had nice things to say, though. The Roger Ebert (R.I.P., G.O.A.T.) of saved-sex tapes explained, "I give it an A- only because he didn't shed a tear. Nor did he gag." If you say so, Mo.

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that a Missouri man was arrested after police say he took his 11-year-old daughter to meet someone who agreed to sexually assault the girl in response to a Craigslist ad. I've never wanted castration for someone more than I have after hearing about this story. Also, c'mon, Craigslist. Do better with your censorship. 

In response to Don Lemon partially defending the NYPD's controversial stop-and-frisk policy during radio commentary on "The Tom Joyner Morning Show," Twitter user @BoyNamedTawanda created #DonLemonOn—a hashtag to help some of us deal with the pain of knowing that Don Lemon is actually in defense of programs that hurt minorities. You know, without ever really knowing what in the hell he's talking about. Ever.

Home Depot quickly deleted this racist "joke" and subsequently apolgized to damn near every single Twitter user who has complained to them about it. Nonetheless, here's hoping whoever is responsible for that Thursday afternoon display of racism won't be in charge of the account for much longer. With that in mind, I'm available for hire, Home Depot. Tweet me.

A few of Beyoncé's more bizarre fans created a petition on Change.org asking the star not to attend the upcoming wedding of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Why, well per the petition: "Beyonce do not go to that wedding you don't have to do it to please that whore and her jackass fiance." You people trying to tell Beyoncé where she can and cannot go need to be hosed down with sanity. I'd like to think this is a joke, but I can't ha-ha completely because there are plenty of people who truly feel this way.

David Hasselhoff and Justin Bieber had some virtual bromance over a shared disdain for the gossip mill. Considering Justin's been exposed for visiting a brothel in Brazil and having some girl record him asleep and shared the video with the world, maybe spend less time being facetious about celebrity gossip and focusing on making sure you don't give those folks something to talk about. Something to think about.

P.S. Justin Bieber is wanted by Rio de Janeiro for spraying a hotel wall with graffiti. The proof was posted online...shocker.

John Magnum of the NC State Wolfpack baseball team uploaded a video of him popping, twerking, and douging to Vine. It quickly went viral and his coach was not so thrilled about it, so he had to take the original video down. It's still floating, but I opted instead to show off Nicki Minaj's twerking clip that she put up via Instagram 'cause, well, she did it better. 

A believer in the @ or dap rule, Dr. Ayham Al-Ayoubi went out of his way to publicly include J.Lo's Twitter handle when he alleged that the Bronx's finest got plastic surgery. A lot of people have said that about her nose, but after J.Lo responded to him directly, he claimed it was an assistant who tweeted that, not him. Insert sound of sucking teeth here.

Kylie Jenner pissed off some folks when she uploaded a picture of an old hairstyle and somehow confused her inability to stick with a hairstyle with a mental illness on Twitter. Naturally, the clapback came swiftly. Young Jenner, do yourself a favor and get a weave and have your mother do a daily sweep of your timeline.

Considering Kanye West recently revealed that he and his fiance, Kim Kardashian, are "in the exploitation business" and that "we get paid to exploit ourselves," one assumes he's been wanting all of these photos of him rocking the Confederate flag on his jacket and selling the symbol as part of the "Yeezus" tour merchandise to hit the Web. Sing this with me: "TROLL SO HARD MOTHERF**CKERS WANNA CLICK YOU. No thanks, bae." And thank you, Q-Tip, for speaking out on why this is all such a no good, very bad, terrible idea.