I’ve been fired for many things, but I’m proud to say that crushing the office pantry has not been one of them. Toilet naps on the other hand, well, we’ll just save for that the “10 Legit Ways To YOLO At Work” article. I’ve worked at a number of offices during my tenure in Corporate America, and I’ve always managed to impress the idiots around me with my cubicle cuisine. It really isn’t that difficult. It just takes a certain level of fearlessness to overcome both the judgment of those that don’t understand how to survive a business day, and the need to “borrow” a few ingredients from those that took the time to prepare their meals at home.

I’m gonna go ahead and get this out of the way now—this list contains a lot of peanut butter-based meals. If you’ve got some kind of nut allergy and PB is off the table, maybe you should keep a handful of EpiPens at your desk so you can live like an American a couple times a week. Fire back some peanut butter, then fire that pen right into the ol’ heart. Easy peasy. Actually, I’m not sure that’s where you’re supposed to put that thing, maybe it’s your thigh… Either way, your office is probably big enough that someone there knows how to kinda save your life.