You're a bro in every sense of the word. You were living the gym, tan, and laundry lifestyle before it was popularized. The "Sh*t Frat Guys Say" video is essentially your visual bible, though ou're completely unaware that it's a parody and not something to be taken seriously.
Your narcissism stops people from getting to know you better. Yes, physical upkeep is important, but maybe you should read a book sometime (maybe The Feminine Mystique), and give a woman a reason to go out with you instead of punch you in the nuts. You, too, are also a fan of Corey Hart's "Sunglasses At Night," and often have it playing on repeat when you're using an entire container of gel on your hair.