There are guides to help you navigate many things in life: finding the best food trucks in Los Angeles, avoiding poisonous mushrooms on your camping trip, and tricks to help you pass the GMAT. But, how about a little background info to help you make sense of the all the cute and cuddly things you spend an hour—well, okay, half your work day—fawning and cracking up over online? The Internet is stuffed full of silly pets, quirky animal pals, and so many cats, making it easy to lose sight of the fact that a lot of these little beasties are total assholes. You heard us right: sea otters are savages, dolphins are dicks, and your new puppy is probably responsible for the extinction of the Queen’s favorite breed. Your warm and fuzzies have been misplaced due to the adorable trickery of these monsters. Read on, and get hip to their game.