The trees are almost completely bare, there's a chill in the air, and Christmas tchotchkes have been in stock for a month and a half already. There's no more denying it. It's Thanksgiving. You're due at your family's table this Thursday, dressed in your best, for a day of family, stuffing your face, and putting your foot in your mouth. Seriously, try to avoid bringing up your liberal college views about gun control at the table in front of your grandpa—you know it just upsets him.
Still not in the mood for Turkey Day? Where's your holiday spirit (and that sweater vest your aunt worked so hard on, you need to put that on)? To help you get in the mood—cue porn music—we've assembkled a pop culture playlist of Thanksgiving scenes from classic movies and TV shows. It's the best of the best on this pop culture playlist to prepare you for alcoholic uncles and football. Hold on to your butts.
The West Wing ("Shibboleth")
Seinfeld ("The Mom and Pop Store")
The Sopranos ("He Is Risen")
The Simpsons ("Bart vs. Thanksgiving")
South Park ("Helen Keller! The Musical")
Friends ("The One With All the Thanksgivings")
Cheers ("Thanksgiving Orphans")
Buffy the Vampire Slayer ("Pangs")
The OC ("The Homecoming")
WKRP In Cincinnati ("Turkey Away!")
Addams' Family Values (1993)
Root of chaos: Scalping, fire
Tear-jerk level: 1/10 (the beauty of Wednesday Addams' speech is enough to bring you to tears.)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 0/10 (as long as the Addams children are not invited to perform in the Thanksgiving play again.)
Why is a summer camp that Wednesday and Pugsley are forced to attend putting on a Thanksgiving play? Don't question things. Just enjoy the Addams kids destroying some holier-than-thou WASPS and winning one for the outcasts.
Thanksgiving trailer from Grindhouse (2007)
Root of chaos: A murderous Pilgrim
Tear-jerk level: 10/10 (when you see a woman do a split on a knife, you'd cry too.)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 7/10 (no Thanksgiving will feel safe again.)
Nude cheerleaders, three decapitations, and a blow job—all within three minutes? Step aside, Charlie Brown, we've got a new Thanksgiving classic.
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (1973)
Root of chaos: Thirsty Peppermint Patty
Tear-jerk level: 6/10 (where are the families? These poor orphans.)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 3/10 (there's going to be the same religious overtones next year, as usual.)
Peppermint Patty invites herself, her lover Marcy, and Franklin all over to enjoy Thanksgiving with Chuck. Then she has the nerve to get rude over the fact that each guest only gets two slices of toast, some pretzel sticks, a handful of popcorn, and a few jellybeans. Girl, what do you want? Just because he's already balding doesn't mean he can prepare a four course meal!
Rescue Dawn (2006)
Root of chaos: Vietnam War
Tear-jerklLevel: 9/10 (their daydreams of Thanksgiving highlights everything you take for granted.)
Scale Of Awkwardness At Next Year's Dinner: 10/10 (PTSD)
Oh, what's that? Your cousins at the kids' table are complaining that you ate all the dessert? Well, pop this in the DVD player. They'll be much more thankful after watching someone simply daydream about Thanksgiving dinner. Those little brats.
She's Gotta Have It (1986)
Root of chaos: Too many suitors
Tear-jerk level: 2/10 (because we can totally see ourselves in this type of situation.)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 9/10 (Nola brings six more suitors to the table.)
Note to self: this movie is fiction. Do not invite all three people you are currently having sex with to Thanksgiving dinner to try to figure out who to settle down with. Not again.
ThanksKilling (2009)
Root of chaos: Killer turkeys
Tear-jerk level: 0/10 (unless you count tears of laughter.)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 0/10 (there's not many survivors to reminiscence about last years fiasco.)
Just keep telling yourself, "There's no such thing as an evil turkey..." Or is there?! Find out in ThanksKilling 2 and 3.
Scent of a Woman (1992)
Root of chaos: Family feud, alcoholism, war stories, fist fight
Tear-jerk level: 2/10 (you'd be sadder about it, but what kind of idiot juggles grenades?)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 8/10 (uncle Frank discusses going down on a woman after the main course, but not before dessert is over.)
Drunk uncle, inappropriate table talk, and someone being put in a chokehold—it's enough to make you thankful for your own dysfunctional family.
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
Root of chaos: Affairs, cowboys
Tear-jerk level: 7/10 (why can't people accept their love?)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 1/10 (not much could be more awkward than your wife finding out about your homosexual affair.)
Oh, you think you had a bad Thanksgiving? At least your wife isn't insulting your boyfriend. Wait.
Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
Funny People (2009)
Root of chaos: Fatal illness
Tear-jerk level: 6/10 (the fatal illness that Sandler's character has pretty much has everyone thinking "This is his last Thanksgiving" instead of "Yay! Pumpkin pie!")
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 2/10 (the dude they wrote off as dead is still hanging around and kickin', and he's kind of a jerk.)
If you really want to bring the house down with your Thanksgiving toast, take a note from Funny People and talk about how you lost touch with all your friends and how you feel old. Then, maybe bring up your mortality. It's a real party pleaser!
Home for the Holidays (1995)
Root of chaos: Family feuds, blind date
Tear-jerk level: 2/10 (if only for the fact that you can relate too well to the sarcastic family comments.)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 9/10 (everyone brings another guy for Claudia to date, resulting in seven blind dates sitting at the family dinner table.)
You're divorced, you just lost your job, your daughter plans to lose her V-card with her boyfriend instead of hanging out with you on the holidays—this may be your rock bottom.
The Ice Storm (1997)
Root of chaos: Key parties, promiscuity, white people in the '70s
Tear-jerk level: 1/10 (everyone is awful.)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 7/10 (next year's key party has a raincloud over it since one of their kids died.)
Only '70s kids will remember this: your parents were heavily involved in key parties and orgies.
Son In Law (1993)
Root of chaos: Pauly Shore, fish out of water
Tear-jerk level: 4/10 (they thought they raised their daughter well enough to respect herself, but then she brought home Pauly Shore.)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 6/10 (they have to avoid the satisfaction of telling their daughter "I told you so," when she's pregnant and left by Pauly Shore.)
This year, we're thankful for Pauly Shore's nonexistent career.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)
Root of chaos: A bumbling stranger with a porn 'stache
Tear-jerk level: 6/10 (the guy he spent the whole movie cursing at has no family, and now he looks like a class-A jerk.)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 7/10 (that bumbling stranger has been sleeping on their couch for a whole year and now it's time to tell him he has to pack his bags.)
We don't care how much holiday spirit was inspired within us, we wouldn't invite some guy who spooned us to our family's Thanksgiving dinner. (Our significant others are the jealous type.)
Miracle on 34th Street (1994)
Root of chaos: A precocious child
Tear-jerk level: 3/10 (because that Matilda chick is the only one who ships her mom and the neighbor.)
Scale of awkwardness at next year's dinner: 2/10 (by next year they're totes doing it.)
Yo, if a kid is trying to get you shacked up with her mom because she probably feels bad for you, your game might be off.