Tom Haverford's New Dictionary of American English

Throw out everything you learned in school.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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With the new season of Parks and Recreation under way, we realize how empty our Thursdays have been without Tom Haverford's office-casual polos, skinny ties, tailored blazers and the occasional ascot. This season the man once called (by himself) "Brown Superman with a Beard" and "The Brown Gosling” suits up to take on new challenges, namely pursuing Nadia and shutting down his Rent-a-Swag competitors.

Pawnee’s swankiest entrepreneur is also a master rebrander. He changed his name from Darwish Sabir Ismael Gani and rechristened himself Tom Haverford, confident ladies man. He proudly rocks the peacock and makes orange hats cool (just go with it, OK?). Tom operates on another level of "Adam Sandlers" (sandwiches), "Hot Ice" (water), and "Malt Whitmans" (40s).

He's literally (lit-er-ally) at the vanguard of a lexicon revolution. Study up and learn to talk the talk with Tom Haverford's New Dictionary of American English.  

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Old-Ass Grapes

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Vanilla Ice

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Bust-a-Nut

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Lazy Gaga

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Notorious P.I.G.

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Cereal Sauce

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Malt Whitmans

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Oink Steaks

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Gucci Mane or Guaca Guaca Flame

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Punky Brewsters

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Adam Sandlers

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Fro Yo Ma

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LL Cool Ade

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Tea-Pain

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Celery Swank

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Lil' Surprises

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Kanye Blood

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Teacher Candy

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Lil' Bow Wows

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Hot Ice

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Chew Chew Trains

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Muhammad Alis

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Busta Rinds

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Milk on the Rocks

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Proud Cheerios

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Lil' Flapperz

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Cabbage Patch Kids

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Tickle Water

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Deja Food

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Food Rakes

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Hulk Wieners

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Better Faster Stronger Water

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Bear Drool

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Pre-birds/Future Birds

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Leaf Piles

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Biggie Smalls or Tiny-Ass Lobster

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Bean Blankies

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Cream-Filled Criminals

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Pee Cologne

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Lame Cookies

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