Worry no more, everyone: Fox News has the answer for what, exactly, is hurting America these days. No, it's not the GOP causing that major shutdown, and it's definitely not all that debate over gun control; don't be silly. It's The Walking Dead, of course.
According to Dr. Manny Alvarez, Fox News' resident OB-GYN, American society has been "seriously hurting" since the premiere of The Walking Dead back in 2010, because "the idea of a zombie-infested world inspires fantasies of monsters possessed by an uncontrollable rage to kill, and viewers get a thrill imagining what it would be like to participate in this new world order." Obviously, this is why anyone watches TWD—for the thrill of imagining what it would be like if society collapsed and everyone died due to a zombie virus.
The stupidity here is too much to explain, so I'm just going to paste some excerpts from Dr. Alvarez's column and let it all speak for itself. It's simpler than trying to paraphrase, because I'm too busy imagining a "new world order" run by zombies just like in TWD.
On how much time people spend thinking about awesome things:
Now, it seems that zombies on television are part of our daily routine. The obsession also permeates into other facets of our lives, such as with so-called Zombie Runs, in which people dressed as zombies chase other “civilians” to make them run faster towards the finish line. Even scientists at the National Institutes of Health have spent time creating an apocalyptic how-to guide on dealing with a zombie outbreak.
On the "science" behind zombies:
Give me a break. As a doctor and scientist, I know one thing for sure: When you’re dead, you’re dead. Our brains should be less focused on imaginary zombie hordes and more focused on harnessing the tools that we need in order to enhance our lives, whether it be music, education, science or the classics. Entertainment should help us soothe our brains so that we can ease our minds of some of the stress from our daily lives.
On The Walking Dead secretly being a tool to distract us while America transitions to a socialist government, thus rendering us all zombies:
With this country heading towards a socialized system of government, in which officials don’t want you to think or focus on what is important for your own personal growth, I’m sure they’re more than happy to let you obsess over something as stupid as zombies.
And in turn, you ultimately become the zombie.
Wake up and smell the coffee. Stop obsessing over eating brains, and focus on cultivating your own.
Maybe he's just still pissed about season two?
[via Fox News]