Mama Problems: Recapping Scandal "More Cattle, Less Bull" (Season 3, Episode 5)

I hear Lisa Kudrow's got a baby.

I don’t understand people who have deep-rooted secrets and willingly enter a space that leaves them susceptible to those secrets being exposed. President Fitz was right to tell Olivia Pope that Congresswoman Josie Marcus is an “idiot” for firing her after Olivia rightfully told her to tell the truth about her teenage pregnancy. “President Phoebe” could be a thing, despite Olivia astutely describing her as such: “You feel like a high schooler visiting college for the weekend.”

Josie is a pompous, hardheaded novice who has loads of potential, but refuses to do what is necessary in politics to ascend. Like, you had a baby. Did you think no one would figure that out if you wanted to be the first female president? She swears she had no inclination to enter public life, it just happened. OK, fair enough, but you clearly switched paths, so why not behave accordingly?

She is Sarah Palin with a brain, though she lacks too much to rise to her potential. I’m always happy to see you, Lisa Kudrow, but I hate your character. If it’s any consolation, you play a charismatic plainspoken goof really, really well.

Nevertheless, if I were running the opposition's campaign, I'd probably make an ad using Tupac's "Brenda's Got a Baby." Just call me hip-hop Karl Rove.

Now if there’s anyone who knows what to do to get what they want no matter how painful, it’s my girl, Mellie Mel. After being told by a prospective campaign manager that Fitz looks like an unsexed, unhappy, miserable man with a shrew of a wife and no chance at winning reelection, Mellie gets over herself and her beef and does what's best for Fitz (and her own political future waiting in the wings). You know, even though Fitz himself instructed Mellie to mind her business and let Cyrus worry about the campaign.

Fitz may not want to sleep with his wife, but when is this fool going to wake up and see that she's just as important to his team as everyone else? Mellie could’ve ended Fitz’s political life for so many different reasons, but he continues to treat her as if she’s utterly worthless. Yet, she helps him anyway.

Mind you, after hearing her husband get giddy on the phone with Olivia. When will this man learn that his whisper game is wack?

Whether or not you like Mellie—and I fault you if you don’t—you have to give it to her for going up to her husband’s mistress and admitting that her husband needs her to be happy and to flourish. Mellie has to bow down to Olivia and beg her to run Fitz’s reelection campaign. That hurts.

Of course, she does deliver that, “I like your new boyfriend, is he married?” blow first. That was hilarious and Olivia deserves every single one of those home wrecker-themed jabs. Still, Mel buckled to her, so handclap for that wonderful display of humility.

After the White House Correspondents Dinner, Josie is back in the Pope and Associates offices, also having to admit that Olivia knows of what she speaks. The only reason Liv might take her back after having been fired is the huge revelation from last night’s show.

As in, holy shit, Fitz killed Olivia’s mama!

If there’s any reason to avoid a man for 20 years, it’s probably the reality that he is the father of your mistress, who once upon a time, had you kill her mama. Shonda Rhimes is like C-SPAN meets Telemundo novella, and I adore her twisted imagination.

Before we got to that big revea,l courtesy of the new Mystery Machine (Huck and Jake Ballard) we found out Fitz is feeling himself so much that not only has he confronted Daddy Pope, he’s trying to dismantle B613 altogether.

Of course, Cyrus had to remind him "run up, get done up," and he best not bother or he'll end up like JFK and another guy who tried to defund B613 and find himself the victim of a faux suicide. It looks as though we can expect a lingering power struggle between Fitz and Daddy Pope, but I’m more interested in seeing how Olivia handles this big allegation leveled against the man she loves.

I’m even more curious to see whether or not Olivia realizes that both of these men are no good for her and if she decides to truly stand up to her no good daddy. In the opening scene, Olivia corrects her father as it related to her newfound civility. She’s not mincing her words out of respect for her dad, but fear for what he can do to her and the people she loves. What is she going to do when she finds out what he had done to the person she loved most? Will that anger drown her fear so that she can finally put him in his place?

Side notes:

 -Quinn looked like she was having a wet dream while staring at the gun she purchased in Montana while doing research on Josie’s past. That lunatic is going to do something before the season finale, just you watch.

-Do we care that much about Abby and David? Their relationship is cute, but it seems stagnant on this notion that Abby is afraid of commitment? How long have we known this now? Is she not going to get therapy and move on already?

-We need more for Harrison. I'm happy Columbus Short has gone from Britney Spears dancer and boy toy to this, but that guy's a great actor. Give him some depth. 

-Fitz and Jake playing basketball felt like a tribute to White Men Can’t Jump, so shout out to Woody Harrelson.  

Written by Michael Arceneaux (@youngsinick)

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