Following Kanye West's much publicized beef with Jimmy Kimmel, when he took offense to the late-night host spoofing his rant-tastic Zane Lowe interview, Yeezus appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night to hash it all out. It could have been so much more awkward. Kanye began the first of two segments giving clipped answers and not smiling much but eventually opened up and hijacked the show, reiterating a lot of the fiery sentiment from the interview that started it all, while marveling at his own candor and taking shots at a few more of the people he perceives to be scumbags.

You see, there's leaders and there's followers, and Kanye'd rather be a dick than a swallower, so he names names. Which begs the question, who came out of the appearance looking like a winner and who's feeling like a loser today? This is who.

Written by Justin Monroe (@40yardsplash)

Winners

Anyone with Stock in Southwest Airlines
Because, according to Jimmy Kimmel, when Kanye flew in to show love at the wedding of one of the host's colleagues, the superstar you'd expect to see on a PJ traveled via this low-cost carrier. 'Ye didn't confirm this but you can bet your ass there's a commercial director working on a spot right now with a pair of Air Yeezys marching down the jetway to "Jesus Walks."

Gucci Slippers
Because Kanye has always "[cared] about cool stuff," and splashed two of the paychecks he earned as an 18-year-old telemarketer on his first pair of Gucci slippers. Clearly the man has many pairs now, and if you don't have one, you have none.

Kanye West
Because he called himself a creative genius, compared himself to Civil Rights and sports icon Muhammad Ali, and marveled at his own ability to speak freely when other celebrities clam up for fear of offending people and losing their heightened status, and the only holes to any of that were in his designer jeans.

Jimmy Kimmel
Because, while copping some pleas and failing to address some of the larger issues in their beef, the host ultimately shut up and ceded his stage to Kanye. It didn't hurt that Yeezy at one point proclaimed that they are on a similar level. 

Kim Kardashian
Because Kanye went to bat for his boo, pointing out how ludicrous and backwards-thinking it is that the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce won't give Kim a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Her fame, as immense as it is, comes from reality television, which to their aged minds cheapens it. Kanye's simple, lucid argument was not only loving but also legit. Seriously, motherfucking John Tesh gets a star but the biggest celebrity in the most popular form of television entertainment today doesn't? All the stars shine a little less brightly until Kim gets hers.

Virgil Abloh
Because six years ago he was interning at Fendi with Kanye, having (literally) hot ideas like leather jogging pants shot down, and now the Pyrex Vision designer is one of the 25 most powerful people in streetwear and was featured in an anecdote on one of the most watched late-night interviews ever.

Malcolm Gladwell
Because Kanye says he's spent 10,000 hours on fashion, dedicating his life to it. Where does that magical number come from and what does it mean? In Gladwell's book Outliers, he says that the key to success in any pursuit is practicing that task for 10,000 hours, which means that Kanye knows what the hell he's talking about, whether old-money fashion circles embrace him or not. It also means that every Yeezus fan must now have a copy of Outliers next to their Through the Wire hardcover.

Truth, Information, and Awesomeness
Because it's about them.

Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Howard Hughes, David Stern, Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Jesus
Because they are Kanye's heroes and he wants to have their type of impact on the Earth. If his saying his name in the same sentence as these people seems absurd to you now, wait a while. 

Chicago, Ill.
Because Kanye credits his hometown as the reason it's not safe in the zoo. 
 

Losers

The Person Who Puts Bad Headlines on the Cover of InTouch
Because Kanye doesn't know you. Sorry.

SpongeBob SquarePants
Because when Kanye compared Kimmel's face to the cartoon character there wasn't a deeper meaning, like he watches the show all the time or something. The yellow sponge was just the first thing to pop into his mind when he needed to clown someone. Soak that up, SquarePants.

Media
Because it breaks creative people's spirits in the manipulative and defamatory pursuit of clicks, and Kanye wants to break it. Word to Ron Galella in a football helmet.

Artic Monkeys
Because the English indie rockers graciously got bumped for Kanye's appearance (Kimmel thanked them several times for this) but they'll now appear on a night when far fewer people give a shit who's on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

Steve Harvey
Because, sadly, despite forever being known as the guy who wears the suits jackets with the extra buttons, he has no collection showing on Parisian runways.

Andrew Rosen (Theory), Li & Fung, Amancio Ortega Gaona (Zara), H&M, Fran├žois Pinault
Because these snobbish figures of the fashion world fail to recognize that working with a creative whose appeal is so great that his ideas broadcast online can crash the Internet is a good thing. 

W Magazine
Because Kanye doesn't appreciate the classist shots. 

Drug Dealers in Chicago
Because they can't have Kanye's publishing. Not even if they kill him. 

Improper Information, Marketing, Branding, the Concept of Luxury
Because Kanye doesn't follow your rules.

Paparazzi
Because it's not safe for them in this zoo.

Written by Justin Monroe (@40yardsplash)

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