So..what have you been playing? Pikmin 3 on the Wii U? Cool..cool, cool, cool.
Well the rest of the planet has been playing Grand Theft Auto V, and more specifically attempting to access the other 50% of the the game with GTA Online. The results, as per Rockstar's caveat, have been bumpy. Slow load times, overwhelmed servers, and a general cluster-fuck have been what's greeted players attempting to play the online component.
Which is fine. This is, after all, a massive petri dish on Rockstar's part and if ever there was a publisher with goodwill to spare, it's Rockstar. Expect slow lobbies and the occasional boot from a server, but give it a day, Rockstar is basically the Google of game developers and they've got all of this well in hand. That being said the animal kingdom is not so easily placated.
The Animal Kingdom's Response to Grand Theft Auto Online as Expressed in GIF Form has been swift and damning.
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Reports from throughout the day have been nearly constant. On top of the update you'll be downloading, which isn't that serious, service is universally spotty. Rockstar has acknowledged that servers were initially over capacity. For real, give it a day. Lobbies have been lag-fests with stuttering service, and in some cases, players being outright booted or frozen from games. Wait till the morning and Rockstar should have this all sorted out.
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There have been widespread reports of glitches.
GTA Online is clearly a work in progress. The vast majority of us are fine with this. GTAV is a grand experiment being developed and curated in real time and some hiccups are to be expected. However, reports of players being frozen, booted, and left in a permanent holding pattern before the wolrd opens have been frequent and consistent all day long. In better news, Rockstar has fixed that garage eating car glitch we reported on last week.
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You are the lowest of the low.
Welcome to Los Santos, hope you survive the experience. Even if you've managed to make it online today, chances are you immediately noticed that you are essentially the criminal equivalent to John Leguizamo in Carlito's Way. You've got no pull and no funds. You are going to have to play A LOT to earn reputation points and get access to the good stuff. Unlocking vehicles, weapons, and properties can all be granted through a combination of game time and rep points. All of your stat points are emabarassingly low and you don't have a special move like the three main single player characters.
Microtransactions and practice a great empire will build, apparently.
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You'll level faster by working together.
Griefers and loose cannons will be subject to swift Social Darwinism within GTA Online. One of the very first tutorial messages you'll recieve in-game encourages team work and the joining of a crew. Doing missions in a group will allow for faster level ups and will be boosted even further by doing them in a Rockstar Social Club-connected "crew".
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Character customization starts with your grandparents.
You think your grandparents would approve of an unhinged life of crime? Well that's what Rockstar is proposing with the introduction of their hereditary-based character creation.
Choosing male and female ancestors will produce a character that you'll be able to further customize. You’re going to spend more time than you should here, but let's be honest, Rockstar doesn't fuck around when it comes to details. Improving your character's stats through exercise and target practice will translate into a more dynamic experience once larger heists become available. Jogging away from the cops with a low endurance guarantees an ass-chapping fail.
