Which "Big Tips Texas" Girl Is Right For You?

Image via Complex Original

Is she single? Yes
Choice quote: "Butter my ass and call me a biscuit!"; "I do not go around fucking a bunch of guys. Like, I recycle. But not a lot."
Who are her people?: "Two-beer queers" who show skin and go hard at Party Cove, which is "literally a floating trailer park."
What's she about? Redneck Heaven's biggest partier, veteran bartender Amber loves to drink and drinks to love. A self-proclaimed "lesbian magnet," she's open about her sexual habits ("I do not go around fucking a bunch of guys. Like, I recycle. But not a lot."). When she's not flashing her boobs (under the nickname "Sexy Kitty"), she's clashing with the bar's feistiest newbie Morgan, whom Amber says has a "bitch face."
What are her dreams? To turn "new girl" Macy into the best bartender ever, if not also a champion Minnow Bomb drinker.
Potential personality problems: Well, considering that she's drunk 24/7, Amber is a loose cannon. Her friends have insitituted their very own "Amber Alert" for whenever they're with her at a bar.

Is she single? No
Choice quote: About her favorite goat, Penelope Princess: "I'm pissed that Penelope's pregnant again...that slut."
Who are her people? Ranchers with promiscuous goats.
What's she about? One of Redneck Heaven's newest employees, Morgan isn't the type to "back down from any bitches," which leads to constant quarreling with the equally confident veteran Amber (Morgan's kind of taunt toward Amber: "Take your ghetto ass hoops out, you trashy ass bitch.). Really, though, Morgan is earning those big tips to fund her real passion: riding horses professionally around barrels, at the local rodeo. She's so determined, in fact, that she can't attend a rodeo with her boyfriend, Chance, without breaking down in tears.
What are her dreams? She dreams of taking her career to the rodeo and becoming a professional barrel racer.
Potential personality problems: Burdened with a Napoleon complex, Morgan is a firecracker who's not able to suppress her anger all that well. The first time another girl checks you out, or even starts talking to you, she may start swinging.

Is she single? Yes
Choice quote: To her family after they attack her for wanting to go to college: "Why are you gangbanging me right now?"
Who are her people? Folks from "straight hood" families who appreciate the importance of a college education.
What's she about? The daughter of a former gang member, Sabrina is her family's sole breadwinner, using her tips and salary from Redneck Heaven to support her mom and siblings. She wants nothing more than to attend Harvard Law School; unfortunately, her family members are quick to shoot down that goal, in fear of one day actually having to make money on their own.
What are her dreams? She wants to pay her way through college, preferably at Harvard Law School.
Potential personality problems: When it comes time to meet her family, Sabrina will most likely be extremely high-strung. Since, you know, they're heartless money-grubbers who don't want her to get a first-class education.

Is she single? No
Choice quote: About Amber: "I need her to not want dick, and I need her to not want beer. She'll be golden."
Who are her people? Women who aren't afraid to "cowgirl up" and get their "shit together."
What's she about? A former Redneck Heaven bartender, Typhani is now the venue's take-no-bullshit manager. There's also a huge chip on her shoulder, though, since she's dating the bar's owner, Tinker, and is sensitive about her employees thinking she's slept her way to the top.
What are her dreams? Building an empire with Tinker, the owner of Redneck Heaven (and her boyfriend).
Potential personality problems: She abandons professionalism and her managerial sageness while heavily inebriated. Evidence: the disrespectful way in which she calls Krystin out at Tinker's birthday party, as if she's a girl checking her man out at the bar and not one of her employees.

Is she single? Yes
Choice quote: "Outside of work, I'm extremely conservative. I'm fully clothed all the time."
Who are her people? Women who don't let their weaves get in the way of their business aspirations.
What's she about? Along with her Redneck Heaven BFF Morgan, Krystin is the voice of the bar's "new girls," proud of her hair weaves and great with the customers. Her mother, however, hates that she works there, going so far as to delete Krystin as a friend on Facebook, since her daughter loves posting risque work pictures. Deep down, Krystin wants to make her family proud by transitioning from waitress to one of Redneck Heaven's high-ranking marketing experts. If she's able to do so, her loving grandmother will "grab a chicken, throw it in a paper sack, and swing it over my head." As any true Texan would, of course.
What are her dreams? She hopes to land a Redneck Heaven marketing position.
Potential personality problems: She's not great at handling pressure or confrontation. Evidence: Krystin's reactions when Amber chastises her for demanding a table's drinks be made faster and when Typhani yells at her for asking Tinker about the available marketing position instead of Typhani, her direct superior.