The theme of this week's episode seemed to be similar to last week's in the sense that it really focused on the fact that, by having children, the teen moms (and dads) have really thrown off the whole normal teenage experience for themselves. For instance—Josh really wants to get back into rodeoing, but he can't because he has a kid and rodeoing is too dangerous. Briana wants to go on a road trip with her sister, but she can't, because there's no one to take care of Nova while she's gone. Katie wants to model in her friend's runway show, but feels as if her confidence as fallen too low after having a child. Alex, last but least, can't seem to let go of her toxic relationship with Matt, because they'll forever be linked by their daughter, Arabella.

Consider this your best safe sex ad ever.


This week, Katie and Joey's proclivity to yell at each other returned with a vengeance, when Katie decided to participate in her friend's bridal fashion show in an effort to gain back some of the self-esteem that she lost when she had a child. She's pretty excited about the whole thing until she finds out that her friend would like her to model lingerie too—during a runway show, in front of everyone. 

Katie grows nervous about how she'll look in the lingerie—which, for the record, is the least risqué lingerie known to man—and how Joey will react to her strutting down the catwalk all scantily clad like she was walking in the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Joey doesn't like the idea, but he says he'll go to support her anyway, after Katie tells him to remember that when she's on stage in the lingerie, she's wearing it just for him. We as an audience are supposed to feel heartwarmed by this statement, but it's hard to feel anything other than rage that Joey feels like he has the right to tell Katie what to do with her body. 

The fashion show takes place, and, predictably, Joey loses it when Katie walks out in the lingerie (which, for the record, consists of a bustier, a tutu, and "booty shorts"). He leaves before the show is even over to go smoke cigarettes outside, and Katie mopes around after the show when she realizes he's gone. Back at home, it's not much different. Joey asks Katie why she had to show off "everything" to get her confidence back, and Katie tells him that by not saying anything he'd essentially told her that she isn't pretty. They end the day with Joey falling asleep by himself on the couch, while Katie mopes in their bedroom.


Once again, Briana was one of the most well-adjusted teen moms this week. While her sister, Brittany, prepared to head off on an adventure of epic proportions (i.e, a road trip for a week), Briana stayed back at home to be a responsible mother and take care of Nova. As a teen mom, she can't exactly be as crazy as other girls her age, and though she says she's content because this is the decision she made, it's clear that it's beginning to get to her.

Since Devoin is nowhere to be seen and her mother is at work, Briana is left alone for the majority of the week, which leaves her depressed. Even a phone call to Brittany doesn't help, because the call drops about midway through the conversation. Later, when her mother gets home, Briana admits that sometimes she feels like she's a burden on them, which nearly causes her mother to burst into tears. She assures Briana that she is not a burden, and begs her never to think that way again.


Mackenzie's plotline this week really focused more on Josh than it did her, which is surprising, considering Josh is STILL having trouble getting full sentences out in front of the cameras. This week was a slight improvement on that front, but he's still not quite there yet—hopefully by the end of the season. 

Anyway, this week, a rodeo is in town, and Mackenzie and Josh are excited to take Gannon, as it'll be his first one. Josh is sad that he can't particpate in rodeos like he used to after he injured his neck, and, though Mackenzie is happy that Josh is no longer in danger, she feels sad for him because she's able to continue tumbling and cheerleading while he can't follow his passion. This is only amplified during the rodeo, when she sees how depressed he is that he can't be riding the way he used to. Eventually, this leads her to tell him that he has her support if he wants to start riding again, despite how nervous it makes her that something could happen to him. She wants him to pursue his dreams, just like she pursues hers. Josh is happy, though it's hard to tell because he doesn't speak or emote in front of cameras.

Mackenzie gets home and tells her mother that Josh wants to start rodeoing again, and her mother comments that Mackenzie just gave her ulcers by saying that. Mackenzie doesn't know what ulcers are, but she doesn't care, because she wants to be a "good girlfriend" by letting Josh do what he wants. Conversation over.


To be fair, last week was so terrible for Alex that there was really nowhere to go but up this week. Sure enough, in this episode, things are slightly better! Matt has finally moved out, allowing Alex some time to breathe without an abusive drug addict living rent-free in her home. Alex's mother suggests that Alex attend more therapy sessions to work through some of the anger that Matt has left her with, which is actually good advice for once.

Alex heads to therapy, and is basically told what she already knows: Matt will always be in her life because of Arabella, so the two of them should probably try to get along so that Arabella isn't exposed to any more of their screaming matches than she already has been. Alex agrees, though it seems that everyone is sort of forgetting about the very real option of her just completely cutting Matt out of her and Arabella's life, because he's an abusive drug addict that has no business being around a child.

Matt calls Alex later to apologize, while Alex is mid-conversation with her two younger siblings. During the call, Alex's siblings mutter to themselves that this isn't going to end well, which is actually pretty impressive because they seem about five years younger than Alex, and already they have a better understanding of this situation than she herself does. Alex agrees to meet Matt at the park to talk things over, and expresses her hope that they'll be able to talk without yelling at each other. 

Later, Alex and Matt meet up for that chat—Alex has brought Arabella too, even though there's the possibility that the two of them will end up tearing each other's heads off. Alex tells Matt that he's unfit to be a father, and Matt ends up slurring and nodding most of the time, not saying much. In fact, he can barely keep his eyes open, something that Alex notes and brings up. Matt says he's not using anymore, but even we can smell his bullshit from here, so Alex tells him she doesn't want him around Arabella, end of story. Matt leaves, and Alex looks distraught. END SCENE.

Teen Mom's reason of the week to wear a condom

Like past episodes, this week's Teen Mom really focused on the fact that, once you have a child, you can kiss your normal life goodbye. No road trips a week, no getting crazy drunk on spring break, no freedom.

This leaves us with this week's overwhelmingly convincing argument to wrap it up: Use a condom, and you won't be forced into giving up your dreams—whether they be bronco riding in a silly cowboy hat, modeling with ridiculous white eyeliner, going on a road trip to, like, North Carolina, or breaking up with your terrible human being of a boyfriend once and for all. We expect condom sales to go through the roof after this episode.