Artis wanted to meet Jess in hopes of starting a new life, only he wanted to do Catfish his way. As in, he told Max and Nev that he didn’t want them to come to his house (because there’s a girlfriend around). This prompted a scolding from Nev, who explained to Artis that they’re not the type of guys who help another guy cheat on his girlfriend. Honesty is the best policy for the host of a show that profits off deception.

Eventually, the three met up at a diner and Artis told them that his relationship was over. He and his girlfriend sleep in different rooms and haven't been intimate in a year. He explained, “We in a financial relationship.” I’m not entirely convinced that Max and Nev believed him, but I trust that they knew they had a show to film, so it was in their best interest keep it moving.

As they continued to prod Artis, we learned that he has only seen one picture of Jess. As naive as he is thirsty, Artis explained that Jess told him that her boyfriend is super controlling and strict—so strict to the point that she only had one photo of herself online. Naturally, the picture is a little sketchy. Man, is Jess’ boyfriend a regular Ike Turner or what? It was at this point that I felt like I was watching the No Child Left Behind edition of Catfish.

These people never, ever learn. PSA: Beautiful people don’t only have one picture around. You’re welcome, simpletons. Bonus tip: Girls that look like Porno Britney Spears don't attend the "Skool of Hard Knocks."