When we first heard about Bravo's plans for a scripted Heathers sequel televsion series last year, we had two thoughts: One, "Bravo is moving into scripted television now? What will this mean for their obvious goal of creating a Real Housewives show in every city on earth?" Two, "Why does Heathers need a sequel?" It was, to say the least, a very confusing time for us.
Fast-forward to now, though, and it seems like the people at Bravo have thankfully come to their senses. According to Buzzfeed, the show is officially as dead as Heather Chandler was when she drank that orange juice-drain cleaner cocktail and had a strange craving for Corn Nuts. The dream is over. What can we say?
If you're not familiar, the show was set to be a sequel to the 1988 film, and would follow Veronica (who was portrayed by Winona Ryder in the film) as she moves back to Sherwood with her teenage daughter in tow. Said teenage daughter then enrolls at her mother's old high school, and has to face the 2013, iPhone-toting versions of the Heathers—the "Ashleys," who are the daughters of the two Heathers who survived the movie.
It's better this way, anyway. Heathers was a sort of satire of the teen movies that were all coming out at the time, and it had themes of murder, self-harm, and terrorism that were meant to poke fun at the light subject matter in films like The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink. It was also commentary about how the media sensationalizes tragic stories of teen suicide. It worked as a film, but as a television show, we can't see it working the same way. With network censors in place, the show wouldn't be able to be half as dark as the film, and without the strong social commentary, it becomes as just like the teen films/shows it's meant to make fun of.
This is for the best, we promise you.