In 2009, Michael Bloomberg famously strongarmed the City Council into amending municipal law and extending mayoral term limits. But another four years wasn’t enough time for the Mayor to ban everything his little eye could spy. That is why he will seek to ban term limits altogether, and become, officially, New York’s Mayor-4-Lyfe. 

Like everything he does, this would be for our own good. Besides, we don’t have to re-elect him if we don’t want to. We can choose to ignore his millions in campaign spending and ubiquitous bilingual press conferences and vote for whatever hopeless fool that tries running against him.

Although, maybe he will ban Election Day, too. After all, those voting booths are nothing but treacherous death traps.