If Bloomberg does fancy himself a superhero, then soda has to be his archnemesis. No matter how hard he tries to keep it and its sugary friends down, soda fizzles back up and drowns the city in its delicious calories.
During this spring’s crusade against large cup sizes, the Bloomberg administration discovered frightening new information that soda is at its outright deadliest when combined with the otherwise innocent confection, Pop Rocks. The administration’s source, Bloomberg’s eight-year-old nephew Billy, reported that when combined with the acids of the stomach, soda and Pop Rocks create a highly unstable explosive, like that red and white stuff from Die Hard with a Vengeance.
Because of this the Mayor will institute an immediate ban on Pop Rocks, and, just to be safe, rock candy. Billy Bloomberg has not been available for comment, last being seen three weeks ago with two liters of Pepsi and a roll of Mentos.