Bloomberg will declare a war on all tiny choking hazards, including those insidious sleeper cell terrorist weapons, Legos. You’re not fooling anyone, Denmark. Why else would you make them such pretty bright colors if you didn’t want innocent Americans jamming them into their mouths and down their throats?

In fact, most toys are too dangerous for our city’s children. Why can’t they just use their imaginations, like little Mikey did when he was just a baby Mayor growing up in Massachusetts? 

Just to be safe though, Bloomberg will up the age requirement for all games with choking hazards and force boxes to be labeled “Warning: Small Parts Not For Children Under 30.”