Last year, the medical community revealed a study that showed that sitting down reduces life expectancy by over two years, the mortality equivalent of eight cigarettes. Doctors have since urged men and women to get off their butts and be the bipeds our ancestors worked so hard for us to be.

Mayor Bloomberg doesn’t trust us to stand on our own though, so he’ll undoubtedly take away our seats by force. It will be like a giant game of musical chairs, except without any fun music, and the last remaining chair will be the Electric Chair—for any no-good rebels who want to stand up to the not standing up.