Today in "fuck yeah, science" news, a marine biologist has reportedly revealed that the plot of Syfy's epicly terrible movie, Sharknado, isn't as farfetched as we all thought—in New York City, anyway.
If a raging hurricane were to strike New York City, it could suck up sharks and other sea creatures — triggering a Sharkicane, a horrifying real-life twist on the campy hit flick “Sharknado,” marine biologists warn.
“Hurricanes can carry huge volumes of water with them 20 or 30 feet over land — and whatever happens to be in that water does get transported along,” cautioned marine biologist Joe Yaiullo, of the Long Island Aquarium.
Uh, what?! All this time, when New Yorkers were worried about having enough bread and milk stocked up in their fridges during hurricanes like Sandy and Irene, we should have all actually been worried about GIANT SHARKS FLYING THROUGH OUR WINDOWS AND EATING US ALIVE? Is Joe Yaiullo really just a pseudonym for Roland Emmerich?
According to "experts," whoever they are—imagine having gone to school for years to get a Ph.D in marine biology and be taken seriously, only to get a call from the New York Post asking whether or not sharks could feasibly travel through people's windows during a hurricane—the eye of the storm is more likely to send marine life, like sharks, over the seawall than on the streets of Manhattan, but the latter is still feasible. Kind of.
"This would certainly be unusual, although not beyond the realm of possibility," the vice president of veterinary services at SeaWorld, Christopher Dold, commented to the Post.
But don't worry: "If a shark is getting tossed around, it’s not thinking about eating a human," Dold added. "Getting bounced around like that pretty much knocks them out." So, you'll just have a gigantic dead shark lying on your living room floor. Awesome. I hope you don't live in a walk-up. SHARKICANE.
"Experts" also noted that marine life tends to get the hell out of dodge when a hurricane is on its way, but still, the sliver of a possibility that sharks could be raining down on NYC is too much to handle. Hopefully, you live in Brooklyn, because when asked about the possibility, Brooklyn Borough President Marty Markowitz commented, "Brooklyn is ahead of the wave and ready for a Sharknado." Cheesy pun, but comforting.
A spokesman for the city’s Office of Emergency Management, Christopher Miller, on the other hand, did not comment: "We don’t plan for fictional events...there’s a zero probability of sharks raining down on New York." There's also zero probability of him not being allergic to awesome.
Can we just all take a moment to consider the gigantic force Sharknado has become in pop culture? Over 604,000 unique tweets when it aired last week, and now the New York Post is calling real-life government officials to ask about the possibility of this actually happening? For a movie that features a scene involving former Beverly Hills, 90210 star Ian Ziering slicing through a whole shark with a fucking chainshaw, that is astonishing. Syfy, you've done good—and there's your idea for a sequel.
[via New York Post]