The Most Ratchet Stories of 2013 (So Far)

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30. Florida Woman Leaves Crude Note for Oblivious Driver

Date: 5/26/2013

After a driver allegedly drove down a street without stopping for pedestrians, an infuriated woman took matters into her own hands. Taking the high road, she keyed a penis into the driver's car and left a note that read, "Hey I keyed your car. You didn't stop for pedestrians as is law. ...Have a good day. P.S. Don't be a dick."

Real mature, right? Meyers was eventually arrested after authorities looked through surveillance footage.

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29. Captain America Fought Spider-Man on Hollywood Boulevard in Real Life

Date: 5/30/2013

A brawl went down between costumed characters on Hollywood Boulevard, right in front of the Madame Tussauds kiosk. Apparently, what happened was somebody infringed on somebody else's corner, and neither were having it. So Captain America pummeled Spider Man. Eventually the fight was broken up, but no arrests were made.

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28. Bacon-Flavored Condoms Now Exist

Date: 3/29/2013

You can now purchase bacon-flavored condoms, fashioned by J&D's Foods. Is that supposed to motivate people to go down on someone? Nasty.

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27. If Your Kid Gets Shot, Do You Really Need to Consult WebMD?

Date: 5/9/2013

Here's a tip: if your kid or someone you know gets shot, don't look up how to treat "gun wounds" on WebMD; take him to the hospital. A Santa Fe woman thought she'd play doctor, consulting WebMD on how to treat a 14-year-old boy who had been shot in his thigh during a game gone horribly wrong. Geniuses.

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26. A Case of the Ex: Illinois Woman Runs Over Old Boyfriend's New Love Interest

Date: 5/2/2013

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. In other words, don't piss your girlfriend off 'cause she won't hesitate to unleash the monster inside. Alexius Keys of Matteson, IL knows. After seeing her old flame riding around town with his new girl, Keys attempted to kill his new girlfriend by running her over.

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25. Fairness: Get a Tattoo of the Company You Work For, Get a 15 Percent Raise

Date: 5/1/2013

Rapid Realty, a real estate company based in New York, rewards its employees with a 15 percent raise if they tattoo the company logo somewhere on their bodies. No comment.

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24. Philadelphia Man Attempts to Pay for Cab with Wrong Kind of Green

Date: 4/3/2013

23-year-old Michael Medvec was arrested in March for attempting to pay his cab fare with weed. To be fair, Medvec wasn't really trying to be cheap; he was merely short on cash. Unfortunately for him, the cab driver wasn't interested in his proposal and alerted cops nearby.

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23. Pittsburgh Men Arrested for Starting Club Fight Because DJ Wouldn't Play Song

Date: 3/27/2013

DJs have to put up with a lot of shit, namely drunken people raging and requesting songs all night long, but this shitshow that went down in Pittburgh just takes the cake. Three men (a father and his two sons) were promptly arrested after attacking a bouncer and trying to start a fight with the DJ after he failed to play one of the songs the trio had requested.

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22. New York Man Arrested for Faking Kidnapping to Avoid Girlfriend

Date: 3/4/2013

Unless your girlfriend is Overly Attached Girlfriend, there should be no reason why you should have to stage a kidnapping in order to avoid seeing your girl. That's what one New York man did. Cops found him between two cars in Harlem, bound by duct tape. The police nearly bought his tale until they noticed the roll of duct tape still attached to his wrist.

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21. How Fair Is a $10 Tip On a $1,500 Tab?

Date: 3/6/2013

Always tip 15 percent. Always. You wouldn't want to be the pizza delivery guy, who transported $1,453.93 worth of pizza, only to receive a $10 tip!

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20. South Carolina Man Arrested for Attacking Fast Food Worker Because Onion Rings Were Cold

Date: 2/20/2013

Oh, Michelle Obama. Please help America. A 302-pound man in South Carolina punched a Burger King employee in the face and smashed his head with a tray after the worker allegedly tried to serve him cold onion rings.

Not to be insensitive, but if you're 302 pounds, you should probably be eating an apple or some shit, not onion rings.

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19. Horse Meat Discovered in IKEA Meatballs

Date: 2/25/2013

Care to try some horse meat? Not exactly our favorite dish either. Unfortunately, some people in Europe may have unintentionally consumed some of it, as a Czech food regulator found horse meat in IKEA's meatballs back in February. Vomit.

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18. This Professor Definitely Wishes He Disconnected His Laptop from the Projector

Date: 2/26/2013

One professor at Wageningen University in The Netherlands was fired after he forgot to unplug his computer from the overhead projector while browsing and screening some videos on PornHub! Though the classroom was empty, some students who were tuned into the lecture online snapped a screenshot and reported it to school officials.

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17. Florida Dad Leaves Baby in Gentleman's Club Liquor Store

Date: 1/3/2013

Meanwhile in Florida, a 26-year-old father Kenneth Rowe got so drunk, he left his kid at the liquor shop of a gentleman's club called Shark's Liquor. Annnnnd the dad of the year award goes to...

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16. Cleveland Woman Falls 15 Feet During Lap Dance

Date: 1/3/2013

What a sad way to go. 22-year-old Lauren Block was in the midst of doing her thing, attempting some sort of jump move for a client when she fell 15 feet from a balcony. She suffered severe head trauma and eventually died in the hospital.

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15. Woman Who Pushed Man in Front of Queens Train Attacked FDNY 9/11 Hero Years Ago

Date: 1/2/2013

Apparently Erika Menendez, the remorseless maniac who pushed 46-year-old Senando Sen in front of an approaching train, has a history of crazy behavior. Back in 2001, she attacked FDNY and 9/11 hero Battalion Chief Daniel Conlisk, charging at him and clawing his face. SMH, someone get this woman in a padded cell asap.

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14. Airplane Passenger Accused of Slapping Toddler, Using Racial Slur

Date: 2/18/2013

If you call someone the n-word, you're just a racist asshole. But slapping a crying two-year-old also makes you a horrible person. 60-year-old Joe Rickey Hundley is both.

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13. Asian-Themed Duke University Fraternity Party Ignites Fury

Date: 2/6/2013

Kappa Sigma Asia Prime, a fraternity at Duke University decided to throw an "Asian themed" party in February and pissed a whole lot of people off, especially those of Duke University's Asian Students Association. The email blast that was sent out read, "Herro Nice Duke Peopre!!" and photos of the party depicted party go-ers dressed in geisha hats and other stereotypical clothes. Needless to say, shit hit the fan when the university/Interwebz found out.

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12. Connecticut Woman Tosses Baby to Attack Woman on Bus

Date: 4/12/2013

Things got pretty heated after a woman boarded a bus in Connecticut. Another passenger on the bus allegedly "disrespected" she and her baby, thus prompting the enraged woman to throw her baby to another passenger before attacking her adversary. Ratchet to the max.

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11. The Times Square Cookie Monster Is Really a Monster

Date: 4/9/2013

The only thing worse than a horde of tourists and children snapping photos with the costume-clad people in Times Square is when Cookie Monster loses his shit over $2 and shoves a two-year-old. Bollywood actress Parmita Kurada sent her husband to an ATM to fetch some cash, but Osvaldo Quiroz Lopez (the man disguised as Cookie Monster) lost his patience and snapped, "You are a bitch, your son is a bastard and your stuff is trash." All the while, the two-year-old is crying, "I don't like Cookie Monster! I don't like Cookie Monster!" Worst trip to New York ever.

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10. California Man Enters Home Depot, Begins Cutting Arms Off with Saw

Date: 4/11/2013

"Hey boss, we've got a problem in aisle seven."

Imagine browsing through the tool section of Home Depot only to see a man attempting to slicing his arms down to the bone. That's what happened at a Home Depot in West Covina, California. Luckily, Art Hurtado, a paramedic from the Pasadena fire department, was there.

Hurtado found the man still alive but passed out in his own blood. He immediately used rope and rags from the store's shelves as tourniquets to stop the man's bleeding before calling for help. Holy shit.

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9. Georgia High School Still Holds Segregated Prom

Date: 4/4/2013

Wilcox County High School in Georgia still holds segregated proms. In other news, it's 2013.

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8. The NYC "Cannibal Cop" Has Been Found Guilty

Date: 3/12/2013

Remember when Gilberto Valle a.k.a. "Cannibal Cop" was arrested for conspiring to kill and, well, eat women in New York back in March? You'll be glad to know that this former NYPD was found guilty and is behind bars.

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7. Florida Man Assaults Friend With Baseball Bat After Asking for Special Favor

Date: 1/1/2013

Yeah, the "special favor" 44-year-old Robert Briley asked his friend for was a threesome with he and Briley's wife. When the friend refused, also cracking a joke about excluding Briley from all the fun, the drunken Briley sort of lost it and swung at his friend with baseball bat. Damn, is that friendship or what.

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6. Woman Arrested for DUI on the Way to DUI Court Appearance

Date: 1/1/2013

25-year-old Thomasine Harjo rung in the New Year by partying a little too hard, getting stopped and arrested by the popos for DUI. The best part? Homegirl was on her way to a court appearance for a previous DUI.

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5. There's a Shrine Dedicated to Amanda Bynes in the East Village

Date: 5/7/2013

Not that any story with "Amanda Bynes" in the headline doesn't already scream "ratchet," but some fans of Bynes created a shrine to the fallen actress in the East Village. Y'all crazy.

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4. Kids Are Snorting Condoms Because Kids Are Bored

Date: 4/16/2013

Apparently, the cool new thing to do is to snort condoms. A video of a girl snorting a condom (then yanking it out of her mouth) went viral a few months ago, prompting this "cool new trend." We are seriously still cringing at the mere image.

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3. Who Leaves Their Kids in the Car to Get Wasted? This Woman

Date:5/6/2013

Sometimes alcohol truly brings out the worst in people. A 44-year-old Long Island woman was arrested on Cinco De Mayo after she left her 13-year-old autistic son, 8-year-old son, and 6-year-old daughters in her unlocked car so that she could go to a bar and drink.

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2. Lawyer Gets Hammered in Williamsburg, Flashes Cops in Fit of Drunken Rage

Date: 6/3/2013

After a break up, it's completely understandable for anyone to need to indulge in a few drinks. If you're an angry drunk, however, maybe you should steer clear of the booze for fear of ending up like a lawyer who had been dumped and then shortly afterwards taken to jail for being an over all shit show.

Police arrested 39-year-old Stephanie Hendricks after she jumped out of a cab without paying, ran into a deli and tore off her panties, yelling "Suck my p****!"

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1. California Woman Who Dismembered Husband's Member Gets Life in Prison

Date: 6/29/2013

And perhaps the most terrifying case of women gone bat shit crazy, 50-year-old Catherine Kieu was convicted of aggravated mayhem and torture after sedating her husband and chopping his penis off.

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