Drunkard of the year: Man arrested for operating a boat while intoxicated
Registered meth labs: 228
Total strip clubs: 3
Most ratchet moment of 2013 (so far): Man caught with 22 bags of heroin after trying to flee police on bike
Number of IHOPs: 0
Let's take a moment to deflect some attention from Detroit and its current financial crisis, because that's not even ratchet, it's just sad. Both Detroit and Flint have their issues with violent crime, but let's discuss Kalamazoo and its little meth lab problem. There was a well-documented meth lab explosion last July that damaged an apartment and sent two men to the hospital for burns. In other weird Kalamazoo-related news, a man was arrested in April with 22 bags of heroin on him after he tried to flee from cops—on a bike. Police had to go off-road to catch him, because the X-Games asshole refused to go down easily. It's that Midwest determination. Oddly enough, there aren't any IHOPs in the immediate area, which makes the area less ratchet and considerably more sad. Where do people go for late night meals and brawls before returning home to cook meth?
As you pray for Detroit, pray for the state of Michigan as a whole.