This story is a crash course in what not to do as an intern. Gawker was forwarded an email by someone who works on Capitol Hill in D.C. which chronicled the story of an intern whose love for liquor and Paul Ryan led to him getting canned. 

The poor kid reportedly staggered into work two hours late "absolutely hammered," then sprinted out of his office before getting any work done so he could attempt to Stan extra-hard for Ryan before losing his shoe and all respect in the process. The only thing he gained was a breakfast burrito—a temporary remedy for the hangover and mess he created. Read the best parts of the email:

This morning one of my interns (who is under 21) came in about 2 hours late, absolutely hammered, reeking of booze, wearing the same clothes that he had on yesterday. He wandered the legislative area, slurring about how he was in love with [redacted: Paul Ryan] and can’t wait to see *him* at a hearing later today. Further crude conversation ensued that ended only when he abruptly ran out of our office to get in line for the aforementioned hearing (which was in about 3 hours). Allegedly, his plan was to find a “smokeshow” (in the spirit of list-lingo, wasn’t the word he actually used) at the front of the line to flirt with in order to cut and get in.

After an in-office powwow, we realized that no, we weren’t all crazy and yes, he is beyond drunk. My LC went after him before any further damage could be done but he was too late. It seems upon his arrival to the hearing room, our dear intern was the first in line (go figure). Having no one to “save his spot” he simply left one of his shoes there as a place-saver and went down to Longworth for some breakfast. When he returned, breakfast burrito in hand and one shoe on his foot, he discovered that he was indeed still first in the non-existent line, but his poor, abandoned shoe was nowhere to be found. That’s when my LC found him - in a heated discussion with a nearby janitor regarding the whereabouts of his “stolen” shoe.

The kid was apparently sent home to "sleep it off" permanently. One day, he's going to look back on all of this and laugh; at the least he has a hilarious story to share with his friends. He should probably keep this off of his resume, though. One last thing: Could any of these bars have contributed to his downfall?

[via Gawker]

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