The morning after meeting Derek, Lauren says, “Everything went the way that it should have, if not better.” Although it’s awesome for Lauren that Derek did not turn out to be an old man named Lavourne, a happy ending isn’t what we, as viewers, signed up for, is it?

This is the second week in a row we’ve gotten a happy ending. Sure, not every incident of this show has to turn into a potential brawl, but shouldn’t it, at the very least, live up to its title? This wasn’t Max and Nev playing the role of Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine, this was Patti Stanger: Middleclass Matchmaker. It was Dover Fillet not Catfish. The only time any of us should be bombarded with happiness when discussing anything catfish-related, there should be some bread, hot sauce, and mustard around. And fries, too. Duh.