Age: 36
Cannibal appeal: Eh—boozy and a little old, like bad barbecue
Possible last day activity: Going through an old stash of vintage nudie magazines
How good are their jokes?: Amazing, if you're a T&A kind of person
Potential attributes for fighting off danger: Harsh language
Likelihood that they'll have drugs: Better odds that he'll have little airplane bottles of gin randomly on his person
Verdict: Equal parts dirty and weird, like hanging out with an estranged uncle