"Mad Men" Theories That Will (Probably) Come True For Tomorrow's Season 6 Finale

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Evidence: Margaret Lyons, of Vulture, cooked up this strange potion of a theory. Primary evidence: Megan is a struggling actress, just like Rosemary's spouse in Roman Polanski's adaptation of Ira Levin's novel. Megan and Don live in a high-rise apartment that's close to the high-rise featured in the film. One of Rosemary's friends suicides, just like Lane (though Lane wasn't really Don's friend). That's all evidence that Don is Rosemary. But wait—like a satanic seahorse, Don is carrying his own demon seed. See, Don acts like a baby, literally, during Ted and Peggy's staging of the crib scene from Rosemary's Baby. Later, Peggy tells him he's a monster. Also, Don is shown curling into the fetal position twice in the same episode ("The Quality of Mercy"). Therefore, Don is Rosemary and her baby.

Prediction for the finale: Don goes into labor, hot and heavy, after waking up on the couch in his office at SC&P. All the shows departed characters file in for the birth. Sal Romano presides over the affair, speaking in backwards Latin while wearing those red scrubs from Dead Ringers. Don gives birth to a baby weighing six pounds, six ounces, and six grams. Most of the weight is concentrated in the baby's enormous head, the spitting image of its papa's. Cut to: Betty and Sally snorting diet pills in preparation for mopping the ceiling of an unknown kitchen. Burglar Mammy looks in with approval. —RS

Evidence: A citrus enthusiast from Uproxx, Dustin Rowles, connected the dots to give us the Orange Theory of the Apocalypse. Ever since The Godfather, oranges have been used in TV and film to presage death or some other calamity. As Rowles explains, you can find examples of this imagery in Children of Men, Requiem for a Dream, Lost, and Breaking Bad, just to name a few. Where have we seen oranges this season on Mad Men? Oh, just when ROGER MIRACULOUSLY JUGGLED THREE OF THEM. AND HE SAID HE COULDN'T JUGGLE. Obviously he was able to juggle the fruit because of the satanic energy emanating from Don, who had only just walked into the room where Roger was practicing the dark arts (of circus trickery). Meanwhile, the agency is about to seal a sweet deal with Sunkist. This can only mean one thing...

Prediction for the finale: Solemn cuts move the camera around the dimly lit offices of SC&P. No one is home. Because it's New Year's Eve, 1968, and the office has taken an office field trip to Times Square to watch the ball drop. They pass around paper cups full of Bob Benson's West Virginia hooch. Roger's got all the new jokes about Italians, and he keeps 'em coming. Peggy's the first to notice, and nudges Ted. Soon, everyone in the crowd is looking to the center of the festivities. In place of the Times Square Ball sits a magnificent, juicy orange. It begins to fall. "I knew it," Kenny Cosgrove whispers, before the flash of orange takes them all. Roll credits. —RS

Evidence: During the first episode of season six, we see Don lounging on the beach, reading Dante's Inferno. This has led many viewers to believe that this season has been mapped out like the book. The first episode of the season is called "The Doorway," like the door to the nine circles of Hell that Dante enters. In "The Doorway," in voiceover, Don reads a few lines of Dante: "Midway in our life's journey, I went astray / from the straight road and woke to find myself / alone in a dark wood." Season six has definitely been hell for D.D. Where will that leave him for the finale?

Prediction for the finale: Many have speculated that Don Draper will die, but that would be too easy. Obviously Don's going to become a born-again Christian. Cue the widescreen chapel shots. He'll no longer arrive late to meetings because he was off coveting his friends' wives. No, he'll be late because he stayed behind at mass to have a heart-to-heart with his heavenly father, a father that won't leave him by getting kicked in the head by a horse. Like he did after the war, Don's going to recreate a new identity to transition into the new season, and the end of the '60s. He'll ride out the tumultuous times and lead a neo-con movement later in life. —VC

Evidence: Megan Draper confronts Draper wearing the same t-shirt that Sharon Tate wore in a photoshoot for Esquire magazine in 1967. The model, and wife of Roman Polanski, was viciously murdered by the Manson family while she was pregnant, and Megan had previously exposed that she had a miscarriage. Don has hallucinated that Megan was at a party in L.A. and that she was pregnant. Don has a penchant for hallucinating dead people, so all signs point to her impending demise.

Prediction for the finale: We open on a crazed fan of Megan's soap opera slipping in through the back door of the Drapers' apartment. This fan is infuriated by the affair that Megan's character is involved in on the show. Of course the fan finds Megan sleeping alone, because her husband doesn't love her. The raging fan then slices Megan into little pieces, which are sold to other crazy fans of the show. Don Kanye shrugs, then scoops Sylvia from Dr. Rosen so they can begin a new, messed-up life together. —VC

[Ed. Note—Megan deserves better. It's not like we're talking about Greg here. That piece of shit deserves the worst Dow Chemical's got.]

Evidence: Those Uproxx writers love their wildly tenuous Mad Men character connections. Like the one that parallels the late Lane Pryce to this season's current whipping boy, Ted Chaough. The tie that binds them: these images that show both men slumped down on a couch, their left arms covering their eyes, their right arms resting on the couch, left knee elevated, right leg lifeless. And what does that mean? Since Lane committed suicide, Ted will no doubt do the same. It makes perfect sense, especially when you take into account that, like Lane, Ted has a wife that Mad Men viewers deem as "nagging." Start writing those Ted Chaough eulogies now.

Prediction for the finale: As the season finale, "In Care Of," opens, Ted is seated inside his office, wiping tears from his face with tissues. On his desk, there's a half-empty bottle of cran-grape Ocean Spray juice, which Ted keeps glancing at, triggering more and more tears. He pulls a photograph out of his pants pocket; the camera focuses on the snapshot of Ted and Peggy, standing outside a the movie theater. Ted smiles. Then, he leans the picture up against the Ocean Spray bottle, facing the office's door for anyone who enters to see. The camera slowly pans backward, away from the photo; in the distance, Ted walks toward the window, opens it, and steps out. The camera cuts back to the deep color of the cran-grape as the screams of horror echo from the street outside. —MB

Evidence: At first, Uproxx TV writer Danger Guerrero didn't have any actual evidence to support this theory—he just thought it would be amazing if a bear strolled into the SC&P offices dressed in a business suit and mauled Pete Campbell. For no real reason. And yes, that would be the greatest scene in television history.

But then the unexpected happened during last week's episode, "The Quality of Mercy"—Ken Cosgrove got shot in the face while on a hunting trip in Michigan with his Chevy clients, leading him to relinquish the account to Pete. Meaning, now it'll be Pete who's shooting birds and rocking camouflage. And what kind of animal exists in the woods and often terrifies hunters? You guessed it: bears.

It's only a matter of time until Pete heads into the wilderness with his new Chevy colleagues, pulls a Jaime Lannister, and comes face-to-face with Smokey's less amiable brother.

Prediction for the finale: Ready to catch the next flight to Michigan, Pete says goodbye to his secretary, closes the door to his office, and is heading toward the elevator when Bob Benson signals him from afar.

"Pete," Bob yell-smiles from down the hall, "I have to ask you something about this Chevy account. Can we talk?"

Pete, begrudgingly, lets them both into his office. "What is it, Bob? I'm going to miss my flight."

Bob take a deep breath, asks Pete to sit down, and delivers the next lines as if he's unloading a massive boulder off of his chest. "You know an awful lot about me, Pete, and that's been making me feel uneasy. I wanted to look past our last conversation, but I can't anymore. I have to show you who I really am..." And with that, Bob grabs his own right shoulder with his left hand, rips his suit and skin clean off, and exposes the real him: Bear Benson. —MB