The 10 Corniest Engagement Photo Concepts

Image via Complex Original

Because nothing says everlasting love quite like getting smashed into the pavement by rush hour traffic. What statement does this make exactly? "I love my fiancee so much that I'm willing to risk being run over by a texting teenager for a kiss"? FOH. This is some reckless affection right here, and not the kind you experience when getting it in with a Craigslist masseuse on an "outcall." At least that shit can be treated with antibiotics...right? We're asking for a friend. But THIS is a potentially deadly way to get to first base. Be careful in these streets, Whitney and Gabriel. 

Right, because hanging out in filthy ass nature is really romantic and a total blast. Couples kick it in the woods when they get lost hiking or if one of them knifes the other for a life insurance payout and needs to dispose of the body. You'd think that Deliverance would put an end to this kind of thing, but lovebirds embracing in front of Poison Hemlock and grizzly bears seems to the photo shoot of choice for cornballs everywhere.  

"We wanted to announce our engagement in a REALLY fun way, so I asked Graham to deliver a bone-jarring hit on a backside blitz." It's impossible to have this much fun playing two hand touch, especially in smart casual attire. This is what happens when a fantasy sports league commissioner cruises Ann Taylor LOFT for chicks. This is the couple that shows up to a Super Bowl party with designer cupcakes and matching his and hers Tony Romo jerseys. Oh, and they have to leave halfway through the third quarter because The Voice is on at 8 and "we like to watch it live." 

"Babe, let's recreate the time we broke 5:30 p.m. curfew at bible camp to slow dance to Mr. Mister and chug Diet Sprite." This is the kind of engagement photo you take if you're saving your virginity for the rest of your life. This looks like a Sting video if Phil Collins was addicted to estrogen. We could keep going, but looking at this picture bothers us. 

LOLZ at this. Look, there are things you need to seriously consider when deciding on an engagement photo shoot concept. Chiefly, that this dumb magnet is going to be on refrigerators throughout your collective friends and family network. That means a mailing lists' worth of kitchens will have an out of context picture of you coddling a Yorkie to openly ridicule. This picture will undoubtedly be the most humiliating snapshot you'll ever be a part of, so choose your concept wisely. We're only trying to help.

If you were being clowned for sending out a save the date with you and your fiancee on a tandem bicycle, you might defend yourself by saying, "At least we're not flying a kite in a random meadow." This is a punchline. How did this afternoon go down? "Honey, spend an hour elegantly pinning your hair and don't forget your Talbots outfit because we're floating a diamond in that field where they off road four wheelers." Lady Gaga thinks this is an over the top performance. Heidi Montag finds this picture unnatural. @itslavishbitch thinks y'all are faking it.

We don't understand why a loving embrace in post apocalyptic Kansas is such a popular symbol of devotion. The only way this country nonsense could get any cornier is if Nelly photo bombed the shot wearing a cowboy hat and denim shirt he borrowed from Tim McGraw. This is what happens when your buddy from the Philadelphia suburbs goes to school in Missouri, starts packing lippers on the regular, and meets a girl shotgunning beers at a Taylor Swift concert. 

A long walk on the beach is the sleepiest of tired love cliches and we need to put this one to bed. First, parading around in the sand is mad taxing on the calves. These two will be lucky to make it a quarter mile before a crippling muscle spasm drops Dustin in his tracks and the high tide sweeps 'em both out to sea. Second, you know there's a black and white photo somewhere in this camera roll of the two of them cheesing in front of a sand castle to represent their building a life together. That's horrible symbolism because sand castles are easily destroyed by dogs chasing Frisbees and totally aloof dads. Your love is stronger than densely packed granular material, don't sell yourself short.

Men, real men, don't take an engagement photo with your future wife while wearing ANOTHER dude's name on your back, it's a horribly ill-fated precursor to your marriage. "Dearest, I'm going to wear my Ben Chappell home jersey so you can pretend like you share a futon with the captain of the Hoosiers!" We get that you two shared a beer bong in the basement of the Delta Chi house and it's been true love ever since, but that's probably a memory to put in the rear view mirror when you're sharing a mortgage. 

This is what happens when you meet girls on Pinterest. Behold, a room full of balloons. This is totally weird, but it's pretty much par for the course when it comes to "artsy" concepts. Standing against a brick wall is another profoundly popular (and totally inexplicable) way to expressing your creative side, only everyone does it and brick walls are boring as shit.