On Wednesday, a man with a fucked up sense of humor was arrested for allegedly whipping his penis out and rubbing it with packaged pepperoni before placing it back on a grocery store shelf. John Allison of Postdam, NY was spotted by a Hannaford loss prevention officer who watched the entire graphic episode unfold on a closed-circuit television. We hope he recovers.
Allison was charged with public lewdness and criminal mischief because the store was obviously forced to get rid of the pepperoni. The 41-year-old was released from jail and now he's free to do whatever he wants with his own meat in the privacy of his own home.