Freshly divorced and aching to recapture his lost youth, this man dusted off the Bowflex to work those biceps, mussed up his hair with some L.A. Looks gel, and is ready to hit the town. He may try to offer you some friendly advice gleaned from his past mistakes as he nurses that craft beer, but he's only doing so in hopes that nearby ladies will be charmed by his "mature" perspective. Don't worry, he won't be at the bar too long. He has to take the kids to school tomorrow, as his ex is leaving on a business trip. Oh, she's not exactly your ex, and that's a wedding ring in your pocket? Not cool, dude.

1. Young person's haircut that he's only fooling himself with
2. Graphic tee of retro thing from '70s/'80s he liked as a child
3. So many damn bracelets, and each one has a story  
4. Sunglasses at night 
5. Goatee and/or other facial hair that hasn't been cool since the '90s

Related Douche: The Old Skateboarding Snob Douche