When your boy moved here from Iowa, he realized that all he had to do to attract female attention was take off those Wranglers and get himself some cuffed skinny jeans. It all went downhill from there. This guy has a deeply developed sense of style, and by that, we mean he has combined the advice of a half-dozen bloggers, making him into a Frankenstein-like monster made of small pieces of his Tumblr dashboard. Mom keeps asking why the credit card bill she is helping him pay off is so high. He wipes a tear with his Hermès handkerchief when he hears this. Not because he feels bad cleaning out the family war chest for a new man purse, but because Mother doesn't appreciate fashion. The indignation. 

1. Slickly coiffed hair in the style of Michael Pitt on Boardwalk Empire
2. Jacket draped over shoulder rather than worn, as if posing for invisible street style photographer
3. Oversized, patterned portfolio bought in the first hour it dropped
4. Woven bracelets 
5. Wildly patterned shirt
6. New Balance sneakers worn with dress clothes because he's unexpected like that

Related Douches: The NY Media Douche, The Retail Douche