The 50 Lamest Celebrity Couples of All Time

Love doesn't have the same definition in Hollywood.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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What makes a Hollywood couple "lame"? Oh, just dysfunctional tendencies, quickie weddings/divorces, general shamelessness in the face of fame, infidelity, and flagrant PR interferences. That's just naming a few that come immediately to mind.

Living and loving in Hollywood is hard, but factor in the above nastiness and you've got a doomed relationship. That is, "doomed" in the sense that we’re all doomed to have to hear about them in the news for months. It sucks.

Though it’s not quite in the spirit of Valentine’s Day (which is tomorrow, in case you forgot to make plans) to point out Hollywood’s most notoriously least cool couples, we’re all jaded assholes who stopped believing in true love years ago, so this is the timeliest day for a list like this. Optimist or not, however, check it out: The 50 Lamest Couples of All Time.

Note: If you plunge into this sordid mess looking for Rihanna and That Guy, you can quit now. What's happening between those two is something way too complicated and troubling to fall under the label of lame.

Written by Tanya Ghahremani (@tanyaghahremani)

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50. John Lennon and Yoko Ono

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1968 - 1980

Look, we love John Lennon, and Yoko Ono is...interesting. But, together they weren't the best pairing. Now, we're not like those people who say that Yoko Ono was the sole reason for the deterioration of Lennon's friendship with Paul McCartney or for the break-up of The Beatles altogether, but it's hard to deny that she was definitely a catalyst in these things happening.

The band had their collaborative problems long before Ono came into the picture, but her whispering in Lennon's ear about how much better he could be without the band on his own certainly didn't help matters. Not to mention, her frequent suggestions about the Beatles' music in the recording studio only served to further drive a wedge between him and the rest of the band.

49. Dave Coulier and Alanis Morissette

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: Unknown

Dave Coulier may have been the inspiration for one of Alanis Morissette's best songs of her career, "You Oughta Know," but that doesn't make their actual relationship any less lame. If the things that Alanis described in her song were true —accusations of infidelity, and overall jerk behavior from Coulier, to be specific—then their time together seems like it was pretty toxic.

Sure, the lives of a lot of angry young women would probably be a lot different without the existence of the song, but with biting lyrics like, "Well, I'm here to remind you/ Of the mess you left when you went away," it seems like Morissette's life would have been better without Coulier. Full House was a lie. 

48. Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2010

Jennifer Aniston may have found happiness with fiancé Justin Theroux, but a few years ago, the tabloids were abuzz about her relationship with Bounty Hunter co-star Gerard Butler. They seemed fairly into each other, but the relationship was so public during its duration that suspicions about its authenticity were raised quite a bit.

Though they never admitted to actually dating—they used the lame excuse of just being "good friends"—their PDA was too hard too miss, and seeing as how The Bounty Hunter was so awful that it needed the publicity, it sort of all makes sense to say the two were putting on a show.

47. Emmy Rossum and Justin Siegel

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2007 - 2010

We're sure that Justin Siegel is a perfectly nice guy, but this relationship is just another case of a clearly hot girl having the ability to do so much better than the guy she's with. Emmy Rossum secretly married music executive Siegel in 2008 when she was just 22, and they kept the union so on the down-low that it wasn't even known she was married until the two broke up in 2010.

No reason was given for the split, but Rossum has since said in interviews that the divorce "wasn't the end of the world," and she "knew" that she was going to be OK. Clearly, Siegel didn't feel the same, as he requested spousal support in addition to citing irreconcilable differences in his divorce papers. The request was denied.

46. Frank and Jamie McCourt

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1979 - 2009

As far as divorces go, the one between L.A. Dodgers owner Frank McCourt and his ex-wife Jamie was one of the messiest. When the couple decided to call it quits after 30 years of marriage, a judge ruled that the post-nuptial marriage agreement the two had signed which was to ensure Frank would retain ownership of the Dodgers was invalid, and a lengthy court process to determine just how much stake Jamie, then Dodgers CEO, would retain in the team.

Legal proceedings carried on for two years as both sides fought, and for a while there, it was looking like the whole saga was going to end just like the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode that poked fun at it did.

In the end, though, the two settled on an outcome that left Jamie with no stake in the ownership of the Dodgers and $131 million, only 7% of assets accrued from the team. Unsurprisingly, their divorce is considered one of the most expensive, and nastiest in history.

45. Dianna Agron and Alex Pettyfer

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Couple Nickname: Pettygron
Dated Between: 2010 - 2011

In the beginning, Dianna and Alex's relationship seemed real enough. The story went that they met on the set of their lame little movie, I Am Number Four, and a romance blossomed. It happens all the time.

It wasn't until they broke up just after press for the film died down that we began to grow suspicious that this was just another PR stunt relationship. This has never been confirmed nor denied, but let's look at the facts:


  • The timing was just too weird. Co-stars dating can do wonders for the success of a film—look at the Twilight franchise, or True Blood—which makes the timing of the break-up, just as I Am Number Four tanked in the box office, questionable. 

  • The reason for the break-up that was given was spotty. Rumors swirled that he had a problem with jealousy to the point where Agron was "terrified" of him, but reports about Agron being jealous of Pettyfer participating in a risqué Tyler Shields photoshoot with other models popped up as well.

Whether or not this relationship was actually real or not was never really confirmed, but it's hard to deny that things definitely look a little suspicious.

44. Lindsay Lohan and Wilmer Valderrama

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2004

Another relationship from Lindsay Lohan's more innocent times that earns a spot on this list is undoubtedly the four-month-long one she shared with former That 70's Show star Wilmer Valderamma.

Their relationship, in reality, probably lasted a lot longer. Reports of them dating weren't confirmed until Lilo's 18th birthday seeing as Valderrama was 24 at the time, but the two had been spotted together for months before. Not much to say about the actual relationship as it was so short, but the few months Valderrama was basically dating an underage girl? Not cool.

43. Khloe Kardashian and Rashad McCants

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Couple Nickname:: None
Dated Between: 2009

Before Khloe and Lamar Odom tied the knot, the youngest Kardashian sister was dating NBA player Rashad McCants, a relationship which was heavily featured in Khloe's show with her family, Keeping Up With the Kardashians. In an episode, Khloe was seen hacking into Rashad's voicemail to listen to some shady voicemails another woman was leaving for him. It all seemed a bit far-fetched in the episode, and apparently for a reason: it was, according to Rashad himself.

After the episode aired, Rashad told the New York Post that the whole scene was scripted and set up because he and Khloe weren't even together when it was filmed so she didn't have his phone number. They had broken up weeks before. AwKward.

42. Lauren Conrad and Jason Wahler

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2005 - 2006

Much of Laguna Beach and The Hills was fake despite what MTV would like you to believe, but Lauren Conrad's relationship with co-star Jason Wahler was very much real. This is really another case of a clearly smart, attractive women dating in leagues very much beneath her—something that's become more and more apparent in the years that have passed since their relationship ended.

Lauren's gone on to run her own fashion line and release a series of best-selling books; Wahler was arrested six times for drinking-related charges, and he did a stint on Celebrity Rehab.

Also, don't act like you didn't watch The Hills and weren't pissed that boring blah Whitney went to Paris with Teen Vogue when Lauren turned down the opportunity so she could stay in L.A. for the summer with Jason.

41. Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1993 - 1995

There isn't a better embodiment of Joe Jackson's 1978 single "Is She Really Going Out With Him?" than Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts. Though Lovett was a successful country musician in his own right, Roberts, at the height of her career was a superstar. She was America's sweetheart, guaranteed to bring in boatloads of money at the box office in whatever project she was starring in.

Prior to Lovett, she was in a very serious relationship with Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) himself, and she even possibly dated Daniel Day-Lewis after him. So, it was pretty surprising when she ended up tying the knot with Lovett out of seemingly nowhere in 1993, and he started coming out with quotes like, "Our life is like one giant honeymoon."

Though the two broke up in 1995, it's been reported that they've remained friends regardless. Isn't it just the worst when nice guys finish first?

40. Taylor Swift and John Mayer

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2010

We get it, every girl wants a bad boy that they can be the one to "change," because, of course, popular culture dictates that deep down inside every player, there's a sensitive soul just waiting to be found and nurtured. That said, we're really not sure what Taylor Swift was thinking when she got with John Mayer.

Sure, he's the guy who wrote about an ex-girlfriend's body being a "wonderland," but he's also the same guy who talked about something called a "hood pass" and announced to the world that Jessica Simpson was like "sexual napalm" to him.

A leopard can't change its spots, and even Taylor Swift should've known that her cutesy laugh can't change John Mayer's predisposition to being a hilarious jerk sometimes. 

39. Nicki Minaj and Safaree Samuels

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2010-2013

Minaj and her assistant/"hype man", who once performed together in the rap group Hood$tars, are all over the place. For three years, the two have been the subject of incessant tabloid reports. Among them, a physical altercation involving a suitcase, a Twitter fight that saw Nicki and Safaree ganging up on Cher, and a supposed tryst between Safaree and a porn star. Not to mention, some even speculate that Samuels, who allegedly has so many damning secrets about the female rapper that he could fill a tell-all with, is simply Minaj's beard.

It seems that every one of the couple's grievances somehow finds it way into public conversation. We don't know about you, but we're pretty tired of hearing about it.

38. Kathy Griffin and Levi Johnston

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Couple Nickname:: None
Dated Between: 2010

OK, it's not totally confirmed whether or not Kathy Griffin and Levi Johnston were really an item, but the two were spotted together at various events and she reportedly even visited him in Alaska while she was filming her show. Knowing Kathy's comedic style, this could have very well just been a publicity stunt, like the time she tried to simulate oral sex on Anderson Cooper. But, if they were real, then...well, gross. Enough said.

37. Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: Unknown - Present

Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen of Real Housewives of New York fame were relatively bearable until their appearance in the last season of Couples Therapy. The show doesn't exactly portray anybody in a good light, especially if your names are Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison, so it didn't do any favors for the previously solid couple.

Frankly, it wasn't even the way they acted on the show that earned them a spot on this list, though they were both rather horrible to each other in the beginning. It's the fact that they did the show in the first place because they felt legitimately "concerned" for their marriage. When you think about it, if that were really the case, then counseling would have likely been sought out in private, not aired on TV for all to see, with a fat paycheck attached. Seeing as the two have kids old enough that they're in school, this just seems wrong.

36. Mischa Barton and Brandon Davis

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2004 - 2005

Brandon Davis and Mischa Barton's relationship was weird when it was happening. The two dated between 2004 and 2005 when Mischa was still considered one of the hottest celebrities in young Hollywood, and Brandon...well, wasn't. But it was more what happened afterwards that cements their spot on this list.

Five years after their break-up, a tweet popped up on Davis's Twitter reading: "Omg. Just realized my ex turned in to 1 of the fattest people in the planet. I'm gonna start dating plus size models. Not! Mischa the Hefer" [sic].

Though Davis later claimed that he did not post the tweet and doesn't even have a Twitter account—the account had been created a week before the tweet was posted—the New York Daily News reported that the two did run into each other that night, making the whole story a bit confusing. Either way, Mischa could have done better.

35. Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1991 - 1995

Everyone knew that 26-year-old Anna Nicole Smith's relationship with 89-year-old J. Howard Smith was a sham from the beginning, probably even J. Howard Smith himself.

While part of us sort of understands his wishes to have one last hurrah before death, like a sort of bucket list thing, it's also hard to look past the whole 63-year age difference thing, as well as the fact that Smith's only intention in marrying Marshall was to get in on the gigantic fortune he was going to leave behind upon his death. We ain't sayin' she a golddigger but—well, that's exactly what we're saying.

34. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

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Couple Nickname: Robsten
Dated Between: 2009 - Present

The fact that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart's relationship is a teenage girl's dream come true is enough to get them on this list. Thanks to fanfiction spawning more movies, the Twilight mania, and every single gossip site ever, the media is over-saturated with Robsten, perhaps even to the point where we understand their reluctance to fame. 

At this point, everyone seems to have claimed the couple as an object of obsession. Case in point: when photos of Stewart cheating on Pattinson with Snow White and the Hunstman director Rupert Sanders, our Twitter feeds were clogged up with news about it for weeks.

33. Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2010 - 2011, 2012 - Present

The first time 86-year-old Hugh Hefner and 26-year-old Crystal Harris got engaged, we were pretty confused. The eternal bachelor and symbol of the ultimate player, settling down?! But if he was happy, that's all that matters. Then, when Crystal Harris ran off five days before their wedding and they called the whole thing off, we figured it was for the best. If Hef was going to get married to anyone, it should be to someone who actually respects him.

A few months later, though, the two suddenly got engaged yet again, seemingly out of nowhere. They were married on New Year's Eve, and as per their iron clad pre-nup, if Hef dies or they divorce, Crystal is to vacate the mansion and she has no stake in his estate. We can't help but think that this isn't going to end well.

32. Lindsay Lohan and Aaron Carter

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2003

It's hard to imagine simpler times when it comes to Lindsay Lohan's life, but surprisingly, they did once exist. In the days of yore, the only drama that was surrounding Lilo was a little bit of a girlfight she got into with Hilary Duff over that era's teenage pop star heartthrob, Aaron Carter.

See, Carter was dating Hilary Duff from the time he turned 13, but then he reportedly grew "bored"—his words, not ours—and "started getting to know Lindsay Lohan." After a brief fling, though, Carter went back to Duff to give it another go, but that was short-lived as well because he ended up cheating on her with one of her best friends. Classy bro.

Despite the fact that Carter was a downright douchebag, Duff was pretty peeved at Lilo anyway, and their feud lasted much longer than either girl's relationship with Carter did: A whole nine years.

31. Elizabeth Taylor and Eddie Fisher

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1958 - 1964

Like most things in Elizabeth Taylor's life, her five-year marriage to singer Eddie Fisher was ridden with drama. The two knew each other initially because Taylor was good friends with Debbie Reynolds, Fisher's wife at the time, and Fisher was good friends with Taylor's husband at the time, Mike Todd.

When Todd died in a plane crash in 1958, Taylor and Fisher began an affair that broke up his marriage to Reynolds, who had just given birth to their second child, and ultimately led to him marrying Taylor. It was a huge scandal in Hollywood at the time, and it led to a huge dip in Fisher's career that included his NBC television show being canceled.

30. Charlie Sheen and Bree Olson

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2011

When Charlie Sheen had his breakdown in 2011 that resulted in his divorce from wife Brooke Mueller and the loss of his longtime Two and a Half Men gig, he claimed to be running on "Tiger's Blood" and shacking up with girlfriends he called his "goddesses." One of them was adult film star Bree Olson, who more or less supported his mental breakdown and his subsequent decisions in the media.

During her initial four-day stint with him, she "retired" from the adult film industry because he wanted her to, though she personally "didn't believe in it." A few days later, however, Sheen was tweeting that Olson had left the house, and that "applications are now being accepted." Two hours later, Sheen updated that Olson had returned, and the two were together for another month before calling it quits.

One of Sheen's biggest problems during that time period was the fact that he was surrounding himself with total yes-men. And from the way it looks, Olson was definitely one of them.

29. Tila Tequila and Casey Johnson

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2008

Not much was known of Tila Tequila’s relationship with heiress Casey Johnson until Casey’s tragic death in 2010, but here's what we do know: The two were apparently engaged, and Tila didn’t waste the chance to jump for some publicity upon Casey’s death.

From long rants on Twitter (if your fiancé has just died, maybe it’s time to put down the Blackberry?) to lengthy interviews with People magazine, Tila had no problems talking to everybody and anybody who would listen, after requesting for “pricacy” [sic], of course.

28. Sammi Giancola and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2009 - Present (On/Off)

Anyone who's watched even just a single episode of Jersey Shore knows the absolute trainwreck that is Sammi and Ronnie's relationship. It's the kind that's so filled with pointless drama, crocodile tears, and enough alcohol to knock out Charles Bukowski. Perfect for reality TV, right? Turns out, only to a point.

After a season of watching the two fight like cats and dogs in gigantic arguments that took up whole episodes, we were just about as over them as their roommates seemed to be. They got together, they dated, the got drunk, they fought, they broke up—just like clockwork.

And it'd be one thing if the fights were enjoyable to watch. But, at one point, they even started growing rather violent, which isn't OK, reality TV or not. We wanted to watch Jersey Shore, not the Ron and Sam Show. Pass.

27. Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2011 - Present

Speaking of utterly wrong relationships, let's take Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison's marriage. The two got hitched in 2011 when Stodden was just 16, and Hutchison was 51, with the blessing of Stodden's parents, who no doubt saw dollar signs the second they caught whiff of the two's relationship. Unfortunately, with parental consent it was legal for the two of them to get married, and now we all have to live with the fact that Courtney Stodden has a post put up about her on the Daily Mail every couple of days.

26. Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2009 - Present

Another instance of double infidelity was the affair that took place between LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian when they met on the set of a Lifetime movie they were starring in together. The two carried on their affair even after being caught by paparazzi, and were even reported to have rented a house in West Hollywood to escape to for late night hook-ups.

It's sort of impressive when a Lifetime movie isn't the worst thing that a couple does together, isn't it? The two eventually left their respective spouses and married each other in April 2011, but there have been reports that Rimes is nervous about Cibrian's faithfulness to her. Well, you know what they say: Once a cheater, always a cheater.

25. Paris Hilton and Paris Latsis

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2005

We're pretty convinced that Paris Hilton's ultimate match would be herself, so someone who at least shares her name seems to be a close second. Hilton apparently agreed, at least for a little while, because she was engaged to Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis for five months in 2005 that were highly documented by the paparazzi, before they broke up because Hilton felt she was too young to be getting married.

The only thing lamer than the pathetic length of this relationship was the fact that Latsis was apparently so taken with her that he got her a ring that had a carat for every year of her life at the time, making it 24 carats and worth $4.7 million. It was so big that apparently the poor little rich girl complained that it was too heavy for her to wear, prompting Latsis to respond by buying her a Cartier band to wear instead. Seriously, dude?

24. Richie Sambora and Denise Richards

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2006 – 2007, 2012

Denise Richards’s relationship with Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora began in 2006, almost immediately after Sambora called it quits with his wife of 12 years, Heather Locklear, Denise's best friend. Sambora and Locklear even have a kid together. Despite Locklear publicly giving the two her blessing, the love triangle was front and center in the tabloids, with reports of nasty name-calling and backstabbing taking up the pages.

The couple were on and off for a while—they fought like cats and dogs, a lot, big surprise—until June of last year when they got into a huge fight in Nashville. Apparently, Richie ditched both Denise and Willie Nelson at the CMTs when he was supposed to present an award, and this didn’t sit well with her.

 

23. Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2005 - 2011

Has there ever been a more dysfunctional couple on MTV other than Amber and Gary? We’re inclined to say no. Ronnie and Sammi of Jersey Shore come close, but even their alcohol-fueled, super-tan ragefests don’t even come close to holding a candle to Amber and Gary’s blowout fights.

The two are undoubtedly one of the most destructive couples reality television has ever seen, and many of the episodes including their fights often showed the disagreements escalating to the physical variety, sometimes in front of their young daughter, Leah. 

Fortunately, these two are no longer together. Amber is currently serving a five-year prison sentence for drug charges. 

22. Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielsen

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2004 - 2005

Another couple to be born and killed on reality television: The head-scratching duo of Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielsen. After meeting in 2004 on the set of The Surreal Life, the really unlikely duo went on to star in their own reality series for VH1 called Strange Love, which, as you can expect, documented their really strange love.

Except we’re not sure you can really call it that. Sure, they thought they were in love, but the two fought constantly, and from what it looked like, they hated each other when they first met on The Surreal Life. We know people’s opinions can change, but that didn’t seem like it’d be happening with these two the second Brigitte tried to touch his gold teeth.

 

21. Katie Price and Peter Andre

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2005 - 2009

If Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are the leeches U.S. tabloid magazines, Katie Price and Peter Andre are their overly fake-tanned British counterparts. Their stories begin slightly similarly : They met on the set of a reality show, I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, and began a highly publicized relationship that still dominates the British tabloids even now, three years after their divorce. That's not even the worst part, though.

Famewhores are shameless, and these two are no exception – whereas Heidi Montag pursued music on her own with the intention of having Spencer contribute the occasional freestyle rap here and there, Katie and Peter went the whole nine yards and released an album of cover songs together. The most unforgettable track: Definitely a cover of Aladdin's "A Whole New World." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLRKdB7orn0) OK, England. You win. Your Z-listers are worse than ours.

20. Rock Hudson and Phyllis Gates

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1955 - 1958

One of the original, biggest scandals to rock Hollywood was undoubtedly that which surrounded actor Rock Hudson back in the fifties. Though he was the object of desire of many screaming female fans back in the day, Hudson actually harbored a pretty big secret: He was gay.

Worried that this would affect his career—and back then, sadly, it really would have —Hudson kept it quiet and married his agent’s secretary Phyllis Gates in 1955. Though some believe it was well known amongst the Hollywood elite that Hudson was gay, Gates definitely did not know this. After three years, she filed for divorce citing “mental cruelty” as the reason for the dissolution of the marriage.

Divorces are hard enough without having to question whether or not your spouse was even attracted to you in the first place.

19. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1999 - 2001, 2002 - 2005

The only good thing to come out of this marriage was that classic clip of Jessica Simpson asking if Chicken of the Sea is tuna or fish, because hahaha. The rest of it —the reality show, the tabloid frenzy, the god-awful duets—we could have seriously done without in our lives.

18. Ava Gardner and Mickey Rooney

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1942 - 1943

Mickey Rooney's temper was one of the worst in old Hollywood, so obviously his relationship and subsequent marriage to Ava Gardner wasn't the happiest union there ever was. She was his first of eight wives, and the marriage only lasted a year, but it was enough for him to basically talk about their sex life in detail in his 1991 autobiography, Life Is Too Short. Spoiler alert: Rooney, at 5'2", is actually the one who is too short. Oh, and the book came out after her death, so that makes it even worse. A sampling:

Oh, we told ourselves that we were very much in love, and our sex life helped us in that particular piece of self-deception. Once Ava got into the spirit of things, she wanted to do it all the time. And she quickly learned what it was that turned me on about her. Let me count the ways: a smoldering look, a laugh, a tear, kicking off her shoes as soon as she got in the house, getting all dolled up, not getting all dolled up, coming down to breakfast in a pair of shorts-and no top at all. In bed, let's just say that Ava was...well, she had this little rosebud down there at the center of her femininity that seemed to have a life of its own. I am not talking about muscles. One gal I knew had trained her muscles, so that she could snap carrots in her pussy, not hands. But Ava had something different. She had this little extra-it was almost like a little warm mouth-that would reach up and grab me and take me in and make my, uh, my heart swell. She also had big brown nipples, which, when she was aroused, stood out like some double-long golden California raisins. And I sucked those warm breasts, I did taste her mother's milk.

This is what fan fiction looks like, guys.

17. Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2012 - Present

She's one of the most critically panned "pop punk" singers out there, and he's the frontman of what is widely considered one of the worst rock bands out there, so the fact that these two are engaged is actually kind of perfect on top of being completely awful. Really, if people like them just keep pairing off and keep covering each other's songs, it'll make dating so much easier for everyone else in the world. Thanks, Chavril!

16. Alex Rodriguez and Madonna

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2008

Infidelity from one party in any relationship is always enough to get stamped with the title of 'lame,' which makes the affair that took place between The Yankees' Alex Rodriguez and superstar Madonna so much worse.

Both A-Rod and Madonna were married at the time—him to Cynthia Scurtis for six years and Madonna to Guy Ritchie for seven and a half—and Cynthia's divorce attorney reportedly told TMZ that A-Rod's affair with Madonna was "an affair of the heart" as opposed to a physical relationship. Ouch.

Even worse, both A-Rod and Madonna have kids with their spouses, so not only did their relationship wreck marriages, but it broke up families as well. Classy doesn't even begin to cover this one.

15. Adrianne Curry and Christopher Knight

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2005 - 2011

In what world does the guy who portrayed Peter Brady end up with a model hottie Adrianne Curry? Apparently, this one, because it happened—for five whole years, at that.

After meeting on the set of The Surreal Life in 2005, Curry and the former Brady Bunch star began dating, and quickly moved in together to film another reality show, My Fair Brady, for VH1. In true reality series fashion, the show literally chronicled their lives, and included season subtitles like "We're Getting Married" and "Maybe Baby." Which, honestly, is really annoying. They married in 2006, and were together slightly longer than the reality show lasted.

Knight filmed for divorce in 2011, citing irreconcilable differences. Reportedly, it was an amicable decision that was prompted by them just "growing apart," and they "remain friends"—whatever that means.

14. Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2000 - 2003

There isn't enough space on the Internet to list off all the reasons why Angelina Jolie's marriage to Billy Bob Thornton was creepy as hell, so we'll just go with a few to start you off: The couple wore vials of each other's blood around their necks; they would appear on red carpet interviews in a post-coital haze and admit to having just had sex in Thornton's truck; they admitted to using knives during sex; and they reportedly built a "sex dungeon" in their home.

And this all started after Billy Bob Thornton abruptly left his then-girlfriend Laura Dern, who is quoted saying of the affair, "I left our home to go and make a movie and while I was away, my boyfriend got married and I never heard from him again."

13. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2003 - 2012

It wasn't Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's gigantic age difference that made the two of them a lame couple. That fact is more creepy, especially when you consider the fact that Kutcher is only ten years older than Moore's oldest daughter, Rumer. Instead, what made these two deserve a spot on this list was actually they way their six-year marriage ended: With reports that Kutcher had cheated on Moore with a 22-year-old he met in San Diego and, on the day of his and Moore's anniversary, no less.

News of the cheating, and then Moore and Kutcher's subsequent break-up dominated the news and tabloids for ages, and it led to Kutcher getting with the sexiest woman alive, Mila Kunis. Basically, it ended well for no one except Kutcher.

12. Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1992 - Present

The reason why Woody Allen and his wife of 16 years, Soon-Yi Previn, earned a spot on this list should be self-explanatory, but in case you're not privy, we'll just start with the story of how they met: Allen was in a serious relationship with actress Mia Farrow at the time, and Soon-Yi was Farrow's adopted daughter from a previous marriage. That concludes the story of how Woody Allen met Soon-Yi Previn. There aren't enough levels of wrong in the world to describe how wrong this relationship is.

11. Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2006 - Present

A trend among the stars, apparently, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott got together after McDermott suddenly dumped his wife for the 90210 star in 2005. His ex Mary Jo Eustace even penned the book, Divorce Sucks: What to do when irreconcilable differences, lawyer fees, and your ex's Hollywood wife make you miserable, inspired by him.

And what's worse is that it's pretty hard to avoid them. Like many actors who become plagued by failed movies and shitty roles, the unlikeable couple turned to reality television in an effort to make a regular paycheck and amp up their place in the public eye. And they appeared in just about the same amount of reality shows that the Kardashian family has.

The stars of Tori & Dean: Inn Love also clearly didn't see the point of keeping some aspects of their marriage and family life private, made apparent by the fact that Tori once admitted to suffering severe flatulence once while having sex with Dean. TMI doesn't even begin to cover it.

10. Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1997 - 2000

Ellen DeGeneres is in the most adorable relationship ever right now with wife Portia De Rossi, but back in the late '90s, she had a highly-publicized relationship with actress Anne Heche. The two dated seriously for three and a half years, but broke up around the time that Heche realized the relationship was negatively affecting her career.

Heche proceeded to have a breakdown that involved wandering around Fresno, CA barely clothed and calling herself an alien, before she was hospitalized. The actress has since claimed that she "changed her mind" about being gay, and that the breakdown was caused by mental illness she struggled with due to her father sexually abusing her as a child.

9. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2010 - 2011

Kim Kardashian's relationship with Kris Humphries had problems from the beginning, but it is undoubtedly the length of time it took between them tying the knot and announcing their break-up that secured them a spot on this list. If you've been living under a rock for the past year or so, allow us to enlighten you: 72 whole days. That's all it took for the couple, who had a whole E! special about their wedding, to call it quits.

Unsurprisingly, what can only be described as a media firestorm followed. Most accused the reality star of getting married just as a publicity stunt, criticisms supplemented by the fact that Kim made a reported $18 million off of her televised wedding special. Kim maintained that she married Kris for honest reasons and just broke up with him because it wasn't right, but even Kris eventually began saying that he felt their marriage was used as a prop for the plot of the Kardashians' many shows.

The two are still embroiled in pretty nasty divorce proceedings, which means that they're technically still legally married despite the fact that Kim's now with Kanye West and the two are expecting a child together.

8. Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1998 - 1999

Why Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra happened isn't something we have the answer to, but still, it did, and it was as weird as anyone would think. The two had a pretty classy Vegas wedding out of nowhere back in November 1998, and after some disapproving comments from his agent—he accused Carmen of getting him seriously drunk and taking advantage of him—in addition to a series of hilarious red carpet appearances, Carmen filed for divorce in April 1999.

Apparently, there are no hard feelings, though. Late last year, Dennis commented that Carmen was ranked in the top ten of the 2000+ women he'd slept with in his life, and said that her rumored hook-up, Simon Cowell, would have a "big grin on his face" with her.

7. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez

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Couple Nickname: Bennifer
Dated Between: 2002 - 2004

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's relationship has been over for nearly ten years now, but it was so scrutinized by the media during its lifespan that it's pretty much now impossible for any pop culture junkie to forget. In fact, they were so in the spotlight during its duration that it actually feels like they were together for much longer than the just two years.

Their union, though clearly strong enough to elicit a marriage proposal, led to a lot of ill-advised decisions from both parties. Firstly, Affleck made the decision to appear in the laughable music video for Lopez's single "Jenny On the Block," including in a scene where he gropes her ass on a yacht. Secondly, they both chose to star in one of the worst films ever made, Gigli, because they'd be together.

Luckily, the latter didn't quite kill their careers, but they were definitely on life support for a good while after. Affleck has recently been quoted admitting that time period was the lowest in his life, saying, "[It] was definitely the annus horribilis. I got shorthanded as That Guy—Jennifer Lopez, movies bombed, therefore he must be a sort of thoughtless dilettante, solipsistic consumer, blah blah blah."

Given their relationship took place at the beginning of the Internet age, they were also one of the first celebrity couples to be given their own portmanteau by the tabloids: Bennifer. This trend ended up catching on because of them, so, technically, their relationship paved way to terms like "TomKat," "Brangelina," and, of course, "Speidi." Thanks, guys. Thanks.

6. Jon and Kate Gosselin

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1997 - 2009

Jon and Kate started out as a relatively happy couple that ended up with eight kids, but one reality show and tons of Ed Hardy clothes later, they turned into one of Hollywood's most repulsive couples. Upon the time of their divorce, the tabloids couldn't get enough of these tw. Kate planned to continue the show without Jon, and Jon planned on fucking around as much as possible on yachts with Ed Hardy just in case we weren't sure about how much of a jerk he was.

Thankfully, too many stories about their fights, and one about the size of Jon's penis later, the country finally lost interest in the couple, and they faded into obscurity with the rest of the former D-listers in Hollywood.

5. Britney Spears and Kevin Federline

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2004 - 2006

Everyone knew from the get-go that Britney Spears and back-up dancer Kevin Federline's relationship was destined to end badly, but it was really hard to anticipate just how badly. Britney was still pop's princess at the time, fresh from her break-up with Justin Timberlake that devastated teenaged girls everywhere, and Kevin just didn't look like her type. At all.

Additionally, Kevin and Britney's relationship began very shortly after Kevin broke up with the mother of his first two children, Shay Jackson. In fact, he was already with Britney when Jackson gave birth to her second child with Federline.

Spears and Federline's relationship was undoubtedly the beginnings of Spears' downward spiral. The tabloids were hounding them 24/7, the two co-starred in a reality show together that featured badly recorded home movies from the couple called Chaotic, and the two got engaged after only three months.

Two years and two kids later, Spears filed for divorce, and it wasn't much later that she was shaving all of her hair off, beating up cars with umbrellas, and being hospitalized for drug abuse.

4. Liza Minnelli and David Gest

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 2002 - 2007

Liza Minnelli's relationship with David Gest was as tumultuous as they come in Hollywood. During the duration of their marriage, between 2002 and 2007, the two seemed so in love to the point of participating in extremely disgusting PDA (no seriously it looks like he's eating her face) while in public, despite a little thing called "socially acceptable behavior." Who needs it when you're in love?

Apparently, they did, because that love died pretty quickly. The marriage deteriorated, and the couple was reduced to taking cheap shots at each other, including accusations of assault and passing herpes to one another. Seriously though, remember that PDA? Never again.

3. Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson

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Couple Nickname: None
Dated Between: 1994 - 1996

When Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson got married in 1994, on paper it seemed like the perfect union. As the daughter of Elvis, she was the princess of rock, and as the most successful entertainer of all time, he was the King of Pop.

Allegations against Michael Jackson accusing him of child molestation had begun to arise in the years before their marriage, and reportedly Lisa was a vital support system for him.

However, this didn't seem to carry on into their marriage. It lasted two years, and was ridden with allegations of it being just a publicity stunt from fans and the media alike, until it ended in 1996 with a divorce described as "amicable." Despite that, Lisa later admitted in an interview that the two of them continued getting back together and breaking up for a few years following the split.

2. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

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Couple Nickname: TomKat
Dated Between: 2005 - 2012

Thankfully, Katie Holmes recently came to her senses and escaped her marriage to diehard Scientologist Tom Cruise. But for six long years, we were extremely worried about America's former sweetheart.

During her time on Dawson's Creek, Holmes was extremely likable and sweet, even if her character spoke more eloquently than any teenager in history, and it seemed that she had a lot of potential for a good career after the series ended.

Two years later, when she began dating Cruise, however, that all seemed to change. Holmes stopped smiling, apparently began to pick up some of Cruise's Scientology beliefs, and Cruise took to having a near breakdown on Oprah while announcing his love for Holmes. Six months later, Holmes was pregnant, and the two married a few months after Suri was born.

Not much of their private life was spoken about in the tabloids, though they kept in the public eye mostly because of Cruise's films. As for Holmes's career, however, it oddly stalled. In 2005, she only appeared in two films; in 2008, she appeared in one; and in 2010, she appeared in two. That's sad for an actress who had a lot of potential. It was often joked that Cruise was keeping Holmes hostage, but considering the way she left him—literally escaping the state without his knowledge—it sort of seems like that might not have been a joke.

1. Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag

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Couple Nickname: Speidi
Dated Between: 2007 - Present

Was there ever a couple more annoying than Spencer and Heidi? No, probably not. These two were like the bleached blonde cockroaches of U.S. tabloid magazines between 2007 and 2010, and there was hardly a week that went by without seeing their faces plastered somewhere next to some bullshit story about Heidi's aspirations to become a singer, or Spencer's aspirations to become the world's biggest douchebag. And, really, lets not get started on that one time when Spencer spent a shitload of money on magical "minerals," Hank Schrader-style.

When you think about it, their lameness doesn't really stem from the fact that they're bad for each other, though Heidi could have probably done without the numerous plastic surgery operations she went through after marrying Spencer. Instead, it comes from the fact that they're so perfect for each other in the worst way possible.

Fame-hungry, attention-seeking, talentless individuals who actually bought into that whole 2012 doomsday thing? It's like a match made in the ninth level of hell.

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