Author Nicholas Sparks has a way of making us all feel like we're doing relationships wrong. Considering every one of his novels-turned-films from Message in a Bottle to the upcoming Safe Haven, we can already tell you there's clearly not enough row boat rides under the sun, epic jump-kisses in the rain, and tear-stained, poetic letters in our love lives. And that's just a fraction of it. This is 10 ways to treat girls according to the guy who wrote The Notebook. Because if she's a bird, then you're a damn bird, too. Got it?

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