10 Reasons You Should Be Happy You're Single This Valentine's Day

Image via Complex Original

Valentine's Day can sometimes get uncomfortable, even for couples. If your squeeze is sweating you about moving in or popping the question, best believe that conversation is coming up over dinner.

Everlasting love has a price, and it usually involves adopting a cat. Are you ready to have a serious talk about opening a joint checking account? Can your closet accommodate 60 cubic feet of Lululemon active wear?

Suddenly, your total lack of romantic appeal doesn't seem like such a handicap. It's a "Get Out of Jail Free" card, and the prison is the pressures of monogamy.

CBS's smart situational comedy Two and a Half Men is in its tenth season and funnier than ever! While your more desirable friends force small talk over a lobster dinner, you have a date with the hilarious hijinks of Ashton Kutcher and that weird kid from YouTube.

With The Big Bang Theory as your lead in and Person of Interest on deck, CBS has a Thursday night lineup that, for a moment, will make you forget how big of a loser you are. Drown your sorrows in canned laughter. For a moment, it will all feel OK.

Do you know how complicated it is to date in the Internet age? Notre Dame linebacker Manti Te'o's life was considerably easier when he thought his girlfriend died of a bone marrow disease. 

Across these here interwebs, there are people who think they have a steady boo. Then, they learn that their lover has terminal cancer. Then, she dies. Then, they come to find out that their girlfriend never existed and that they were talking to a lunatic who has been huffing nitrous and talking like a girl the whole time. It's an emotional roller coaster.

Be appreciative that you're not on MTV's Catfish learning that the "model" you met on Facebook is actually a broke-ass mall Santa. Be thankful that you don't have a Christian Mingle arranged movie date with the "Cannibal Cop." Things could be a lot worse.

Thanks to the influx of diners who insist on documenting every meal they eat, restaurants have become gastro-molecular, multi-coursed means of cratering your checking account. Tack on the cost of wine pairing and add a 20% service charge to your already overpriced tasting menu, and you've dropped a semester at Harvard stuffing your face with slow braised pork belly.

Foie gras ravioli and Sake poached Loup De Mar aren't worth ruining your credit over. The upside? If you don't have a date to impress, you'll never have to worry about this.

Valentine's Day falls on a Thursday, which is bad news for your friends with dates, and temp jobs that require them to wear pleated khakis.

After being caught in the rat race for 10 hours, corporate America collectively slips into a pair of basketball shorts and cracks a beer at about 6:25 p.m. However, if you have dinner reservations, or you're planning some stupid over-the-top gesture that involves sprinkling rose petals, that oxford button-down is going to remain tucked in for, like, 16 straight hours. Caution: Chaffing ahead.

Sure, sweatpants are the uniform of a defeated man. But no one makes failure look as comfortable as you do.

There's nothing like hitting the club on Valentine's Day. The place is wall-to-wall with a kind of thirst usually reserved for Kim Kardashian's Instagram. Rampant "independence" and desperate loneliness create a rich environment that effortlessly trumps better judgement. If you're starting the night single, it probably won't end that way. And if you're starting the night STD-free, you definitely won't leave that way. 

Stay home, and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing you're not that guy at the club creeping chicks out.

Just from a sheer coolness standpoint, Valentine's Day is by far the lamest "holiday." It's a celebration of everything that's contrived (read: roses), corny (read: Hallmark cards), and phony (read: sentiments scrawled on candy hearts) about relationships.

If you're single, you don't have to blow an entire paycheck on dinner tonight. You don't have to plagiarize Bryan Adams lyrics as if they're your own words. You won't get burned trying to save a few bucks by unknowingly purchasing stolen Tiffany's earrings on eBay. These are all reasons to be happy.

On February 14, your newsfeed will blow up with saccharine tributes, restaurant check-ins, and awkwardly revealing couple selfies. Don't expect a reprieve from the flossing on Instagram, either. Tomorrow, there will be many Valencia-filtered roses, and there's nothing you can do about it.

But, you're single, so you won't be documenting the minutiae of your day just to outdo your friends. You won't be measuring your self-worth by comparing your social media presence to that of others. The perks of being a single person on Valentine's Day run so, so deep.

If you're in a relationship, and you cheat regularly, Valentine's Day will pressure you to misrepresent yourself as the faithful, caring boyfriend you're not for the sake of love, or something like it. What a shameful responsibility.

How do you just sit there eating, smiling, and pretending like you weren't seeing Patrick behind our back? You think we don't know what's going on? This whole time?! Sorry. That got personal for a second. Our point is, staging a happy relationship can be incredibly stressful. But, fabricating love is what Valentine's Day is all about, right? 

But, you? You're keeping it real. At least you have that.

If the only love you get is from thrice daily trips to Brazzers, don't feel too bad. Your addiction to Internet porn has probably affected your perception of intimacy, but this age of hyper-stimulation has left us all a bit disconnected. You might feel pitiful spending tonight alone, but closeness between human beings transcends the unnatural formalities of Valentine's Day and the raunchy simplicity of Trey Songz declaring that he's about to "Dive In."

See how complicated relationships are? Be happy that, at least for tonight, you don't have to lose sleep trying to figure this love thing out.