Failed Movie: Abduction (2011)

If Taylor Lautner knows what’s good for him, he’ll beg Stephanie Meyer to write more Twilight books, or at least some spinoff novels focused on his character. Because if John Singleton’s unconvincing Abduction is any indication, Lautner is on the road to irrelevance.

Not that Singleton gave dude any help, though. Even if it had starred Jason Statham, Abduction would still register as one of the most idiotic and cliché-ridden mistakes in recent memory. It’s as if Singleton has never seen a Hollywood action movie before.

Which, sadly, doesn’t absolve Lautner of his sins. Surrounded by tension-free set pieces and a Bourne-Identity-for-tweens plot, female teenyboppers’ favorite alpaca lookalike spits out dialogue with the verve of a manic depressive. The next Matt Damon, he is not.