Failed Movie: Conan the Barbarian (2011)

Jason Momoa certainly looks the part, and, after watching him body fools on HBO’s Game of Thrones, there was every reason to believe that the diesel newcomer could handle the physicality of a Conan the Barbarian remake. So color us more than a bit flummoxed that Momoa’s efforts to reinvent the legendary character, previously made famous by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the vastly superior 1982 film, were all for naught in 2011's incoherent, empty excuse to splash gore and sword fights onto 3D glasses.

Speaking all of his lines in baritones and leaving the heavy acting to his eyebrows and forehead, Momoa did little to rectify Conan the Barbarian’s myriad problems, the majority of which should be credited to the folks behind the camera. If you gave us $100 cash, we couldn’t recount the film’s plot, nor could we name Conan’s arch-nemesis or explain why in Thulsa Doom’s name Morgan Freeman delivers the opening narration.