As Seen In: Spookies (1986)

Separated from his equally dimwitted friends, goofball Peter (Peter Dain) wanders around the house of horrors that's at the center of the cheap-o 1986 flick Spookies. Most of his buddies have already been killed off by some kind of Halloween-dimestore-costume-wearing antagonist, and now it's Peter's turn.

So what does he get: a beautiful woman who talks as if she's auditioning for the remake of Spike Lee's Girl 6, and who suddenly turns into that spider-looking monstrosity above, traps Peter in a wall-sized spider's web, and uses one of her appendages to completely deflate him. Which, of course, hurts even more because Peter thought he was going to have sex.