The 100 Worst Ways to Die (As Seen in Movies)

Fans of happy endings, please exit stage right.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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It's an insane concept that shouldn't work: Assemble an anthology film comprised of 26 shorts, each directed by a different independent genre filmmaker and centered around a specific letter of the alphabet. Oh, and each segment has to depict the final seconds of at least one person's life.

Despite its inherent riskiness, The ABCs of Death (available on VOD this Thursday before it opens theatrically on March 8) is a real triumph, albeit one with a few minor missteps. Not all of the 26 segments are successful, but when The ABC's of Death works, it's an unbridled, audacious, see-it-to-believe-it shot to the system. Amongst the ambitious project's many high-points are Ben Wheatley's "U is for Unearthed," Marcel Sarmiento's "D is for Dogfight," Timo Tjahjanto's "L is for Libido," and Jason Eisener's "Y is for Youngbuck," all of which hose rank alongside the best horror productions in recent years.

In honor of The ABCs of Death, we're keeping the spirit of life cut short alive by looking back at cinema's most unappealing on-screen demises. Ceasing to exist, no matter how it happens, isn't a good thing, of course—these fatalities, however, are the ultimate pits. Sit back, count your blessings (and breaths), and figure out how to avoid falling victim to The 100 Worst Ways to Die (As Seen in Movies).

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Written by Matt Barone (@MBarone)

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100. Ryan Gosling stomping your head into a bloody pulp

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99. Getting stabbed to death by an ear of corn

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98. Slowly being pulled into a spiky, wooden splinter, eyeball first

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97. Being pulled into a sink drain

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96. The magic pencil trick

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95. Slowly succumbing to a gunshot

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94. Catching a surfboard to the face

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93. A rock piercing your skull, via the eye socket

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92. Getting a rake stuck in your forehead

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91. Having your throat slit by an assassin named Chiquita

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90. Getting disemboweled, dropped through a stained-glass ceiling, and hung from a cord

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89. Being burned alive while tied to a tree, right in front your family

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88. Getting impaled by a hot steam pipe by Arnold Schwarzenegger

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87. A flying piece of shrapnel slicing your head in half

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86. Getting slaughtered while trying to enjoy a bong

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85. Being ambushed by drugged-out kids, gutted, and having your best friend slit your throat

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84. Getting snatched up by a shark mid-monologue

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83. Watching your family get slaughtered before you're speared to death

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82. Getting lectured about team sports with a baseball bat

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81. Failing during an Iron Lotus

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80. Eviscerated while partying in a nightclub

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79. Getting run over by the Gingerdead Man

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78. Making out with a sexy alien

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77. Having your lifeforce sucked out by a Spider Woman

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76. Getting crushed by a pounder

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75. Having your head sandwiched between two massive weights

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74. Being turned into a human pretzel

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73. Catching a bullet from a cancer gun

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72. Being trapped inside the world's faultiest kitchen

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71. Getting sliced into thirds

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70. Getting bisected on the dance floor

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69. Freezing to death in a hedge maze

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68. Losing your penis to a piranha

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67. Asphyxiating and decompressing in the Martian atmosphere

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66. Catching a spear to the forehead

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65. Eating acid spit by a pissed-off Dilophosaurus

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64. Having a spike-filled metal mask hammered onto your face

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63. Getting raped to death in the shower by a snowman

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62. Getting eaten alive by a Tyrannosaurus Rex while on the toilet

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61. Playing the victim in an obsessed Elizabeth Báthory fan's dream come true

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60. Getting pulverized by a falling stone pinnacle

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59. Getting doused with toxic waste and then ran over

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58. Having your faced decimated by compact discs

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57. Crossing paths with a vagina dentata

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56. Ingesting a pill that makes you blow up like a balloon

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55. Losing your head to a windowpane flying off of a flatbed truck

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54. Getting flattened by a steamroller

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53. Getting impaled on an umbrella

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52. Meeting a TV, headfirst

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51. Getting flattened by a sheet of plate glass

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50. Having fish guts spread across your face for crows to peck

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49. Being stuck inside a doggy door as a garage door opens

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48. Being trapped inside a sleeping bag that's then smashed into a tree

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47. Riding in a car that's run over by a psychotic stuntman

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46. Being strapped to a bed for a year, unable to eat

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45. Getting your head blown off by a shotgun

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44. Becoming the human sacrifice in an otherwise joyous Pagan ritual

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43. Losing your penis in a bathtub

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42. Getting hung up by deer antlers while topless

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41. Getting violently dragged across a ceiling while invisible blades savage your body

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39. Inflating your body until it explodes

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39. Having your eyes gouged out, back broken, and body thrown down an elevator shaft

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38. Getting your head bitten off by Sasquatch

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37. Being burnt alive while trapped inside a tanning bed

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36. Getting impaled by Sylvester Stallone on a stalactite

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35. Sleeping on a mattress that's folded in half

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34. Serving as the main course in a zombie feast

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33. Getting sucked into a bed

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32. Catching a frisbee with your throat

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31. Being trapped inside a locked trailer, blind, with a poisonous snake on the loose

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30. Getting sliced up by a spinning propeller

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29. Having a shotgun rammed into your anus, ready to discharge

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28. Sitting on a toilet in a stall full of angry bees

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27. Getting stomped out by a leprechaun on a pogo stick

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26. Having your head forced into a drill

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25. Being stuffed into a wood chipper

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24. Getting your head caved in by a hammer

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23. Suffocating in the crapper of a dirty outhouse

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22. Getting sliced into little cubes by laser beams

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21. Getting your head sliced open by a car engine

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20. Having your faced burn off by acid

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19. Starring in a snuff film

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18. Having your chest cut open by a huge buzzsaw

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17. Writhing as a razor trap slices you to ribbons

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16. Getting sliced clean in half by a glass door

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15. Biting the curb

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14. Getting your skull caved in by a fire extinguisher

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13. Falling victim to head-exploding telekinesis

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12. Having a curling iron jammed into your private parts

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11. Ripping your own face in half

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10. Being slowly tortured to death and skinned alive

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9. Willingly letting hungry lions rip you apart

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8. Having your insides sucked into a swimming pool's drain

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7. Having your face frozen and then smashed into bits

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6. Getting your head smashed by a basketball

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5. Having your face melted off by the Ark of the Covenant

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4. Having your abdomen cut open with scissors

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3. Serving as a nest for hundreds of cockroaches

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2. Watching a baby alien burst out of your chest

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1. Being the middle portion of a three-person human centipede

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