If you’ve never seen an episode of The Valleys (MTV UK’s newest attempt to recreate the success of Jersey Shore), do yourself a favor and blacklist it from your mind right now. It’s impossible to watch this show without losing a massive amount of brain cells, and you can’t argue with science.
The Valleys tweaks the Jersey Shore premise with a group of twenty-somethings from the valleys in Wales and moves them to the capital, Cardiff, to set them loose. While this concept generally works for the type of trash television that The Valleys is trying to be, it’s completely ruined by the fact that the cast is so damn insufferable. It's actually disheartening to realize that you can’t punch each and every one of them.
There’s Jenna, who thinks she’s the Welsh Kim Kardashian. There’s Lateysha, who thinks she’s the “Beyoncé of the house,” and that fellow cast member aspiring rapper Leeroy is her “Jay-Z.” Which is untrue, however, because Beyoncé has more class in her pinkie than Lateysha has her in entire body. Plus Leeroy is a shitty rapper. And there’s also Carley, who probably has a serious drinking problem because she spends most of her time walking around with a bottle of Rosé in her hand. Lastly, don't forget about Nicole, the one who drunkenly peed on her roommates in the shower.
These kids make the cast of their Jersey counterpart series look refined. That should never happen.