Corporate life is a conditional agreement to suffer constant humiliation in exchange for health insurance. It fosters a delicate personal temperament that's a few stiff cocktails away from coming unhinged. Every office has its Perez Hilton and when the booze is flowing, that person is especially dangerous. You know that expletive-laden diatribe about your manager that you've so elegantly composed inside your brain? Keep it there.

Stick to neutral topics and don't brag about sleeping with interns. You'll be happy you played your cards close to the vest come Monday morning.