A.k.a. Stupid News.
Why? Because nothing this stupid deserves to make every television news program and website and newspaper over the course of the day. It's a monkey. Wearing a coat. In an Ikea. It's like a bad Saturday Night Live sketch, and we're letting it seep into our brains like it's something we should care about. New Rule: The next time a monkey shows up in an Ikea wearing a dapper winter coat, we should only care if he's holding people hostage inside.